College programs and “Lost”

Other blogs have compared college football teams to characters in popular TV shows. It’s a pretty good idea, so I thought I’d steal it and do my best to compare teams to the characters on my favorite show, ‘Lost’

Alabama

Jack is the leader of the survivors while Bama has historically been the leader of the SEC. Like Alabama, Jack is not without faults and has some skeletons in his closet. Bama’s past indiscretions led them to the NCAA jailhouse, and Jack is currently residing in a prison thanks to The Others. Or in Bama’s case, Fulmer and Roy Kramer.

Auburn

Sawyer comes off as a redneck hick, but he’s a smart con man. Remind you of a certain coach? And just give Sawyer a chance and he’ll kick your ass. He also goes by an alias, just like the Auburn PlainsTigeagles. Oh yeah, he’s very jealous of Jack.

Tennessee

Sayid was a member of the Iraqi Republican Guard. UT got its nickname from the large number that volunteered for the Civil War. Sayid specializes in torturing people. Watching UT methodically plod down the field with short passes in the second half against Alabama’s defense was like death by a thousand paper cuts for Bama fans.

Georgia

Kate is a hottie and UGA has been the hottest program in the SEC the last few years. Early on she acted like she hated Sawyer, but deep down we all knew that she loved him because they are just alike, Kate’s just a little softer. Just like many people think Auburn is in Georgia, some on the island think Sawyer has been inside of Kate.

Florida

It was hard to fit Florida into this because all the characters on Lost possess something the Gators don’t…..a past. Anyway before the crash Eko was a drug dealer that turned priest. Under Spurrier the Gators won with the Fun and Gun Offense, but now under Meyer they’re beating teams with staunch defense and a running back-up quarterback. Either way made teams feel like they just got their heads bashed in with a Jesus stick.

South Carolina

Hurley is either the luckiest unlucky man or unluckiest lucky man on the planet. The dude wins the lottery, but then a series of very unfortunate events occur, the worst of which is the plane crash which he blames himself for. South Carolina fans are lucky that they landed Steve Spurrier for a coach, but they are unlucky because…..well, they’re still Gamecock fans.

Florida St.

Bobby Bowden, like Michael, will do anything to save his son. Even endure craptacular offensive showcases that would make Randy Sanders and Mike Shula sick to their stomachs.

Kentucky

Pretty, non-threatening, and never part of the storyline. Sums up both Claire and UK rather well, don’t ya think.

Ole Miss

Nobody on the island, save his wife, can understand what Jin says. Nobody in America, save Jerrell Powe can understand what Coach O says.

Arkansas

At first glance the leader of The Others doesn’t look imposing, but don’t let that facade fool you. He is a worthy opponent, just ask Sawyer (Auburn). Usually does his most damage when you least expect it or waits for you to let your guard down.

Louisville

Walt was supposed to be a 10 year old boy. Well the actor was when taping began. Since it’s taken over two years to tape the episodes, Walt’s character got written off because he was growing too fast. Like Walt, Louisville quickly outgrew C-USA and left for the Big East.

Vanderbilt

Like Vandy, acts morally superior but is always wrong (or always loses). Locke believes there is a higher reason for being stranded on the island. Vanderbilt believes there is more to a school than its football team.

Mississippi St.

Desmond spent quite a while down in the hatch. Miss St. has spent years in the SEC cellar. Once free from the hatch, Desmond tried to escape on a boat only to sail right back to the island. Miss St. fans thought Jackie Sherrill was gonna take them to the top of the SEC, and for a few years he had the Bulldogs playing well, but now they are right back where they usually are. After the hatch blows up Desmond has premonitions that come to pass. Most Miss St. fans can see where Sly is taking the team.