You can just call me Mr. Perfect.

Thanks to a couple of late comebacks from Notre Dame and Texas, I dropped a Perfect Plex-esque 10-o record on my ESPN Pick ‘Em League last week. I guess you people should have listened to me and picked Clemson, instead of that fat ass Mike Golic (who picked G. Tech). Hey Golic, 31-7 bitch.

What’s that you say? If UCLA could tackle and Nebraska could hold on to a ball I’d have 2 losses? Well I say kiss my perfect 10-0 ass…if it weren’t for Ted Debiase’s interference, Perfect wouldn’t have regained the Intercontinental Title. Even perfection needs a little bit of help sometimes (though I have to admit I was hoping for both Texas and Notre Dame to lose).

On to this week’s games…

As always, these games are from ESPN.com’s College Pick ‘Em…

Oklahoma at Missouri
Oklahoma proved last week that they can win without Adrian Peterson. Well, they proved they can beat teams like Colorado (who blow) without AD (On a side note, would some Sooner fan explain to me why you call him AD instead of AP? This makes absolutely no sense to me). Mizzou is not Colorado. If this game were in Norman, I may give the Sooners a chance (although with the Cards in the World Series, I’m not sure how many people in Missouri even know about this game) but without Peterson, they are going down.
Winner- Missouri

Penn State at Purdue
I despise the Big 10. Compared to the SEC, their style of play is like watching a monkey eat it’s own feces…entertaining for awhile but eventually just disgusts you. Penn State has comeback to earth after their great season last year. Their offense has been godawful…especially their run game. With -14 yards against Michigan and only 41 against Illinois, . Lucky for the Lions, Purdue just isn’t that good.
Winner- Penn State

Notre Dame at Navy
Death, taxes, and Notre Dame beating Navy. The Irish have won this matchup 42 straight times and I can’t think of why Brady Quinn and Crybaby Weis can’t extend the streak, especially since Navy’s starting QB is out (not that it would have mattered anyway). I would like to award Brady Quinn the Rainbow Arm Award, given to the Most Outstanding Gay College Football Quarterback of the Year.
Winner- Notre Dame

Nebraska at Oklahoma State
Both teams suffered heart-breaking losses last week. Nebraska coughed up their game against Texas and OK State lost because of a blocked extra point in OT (is it just me or has this happened about 1000 times more this season than it ever has?). Which team will bounce back after snatching defeat from the jaws of victory? The OK State Wide outs are going to shread the Black Skirt defense but something makes me think the Huskers are going to pull this one out.
Winner- Nebraska

Arizona State at Washington
Oh joy…two mediocre Pac-10 teams. I really don’t feel like doing any research for this game. I actually tried and almost fell asleep. Jesus Christ, both of these teams suck. I don’t really know who is going to win but the loser will be anyone who actually watches this shit. Coin flip time…
Winner- Washington

Texas at Texas Tech
The Steers have won 18 straigh against other teams from Texas (I guess they would be the Queers…and I hate myself for stooping low enough to use a “only thing that comes from Texas are steers and queers” joke) dating back to 2002. This game won’t even be close.
Winner- Texas

Tennessee at South Carolina
There is a debate in the SEC over who has the worst fans. Some say it’s UGA, others say Florida, some say LSU…but in my opinion it has to be the Cocks. No team in the country talks more shit after doing so little. Yes, cock fans, you broke a losing streak dating back to the epic mullet of Steve Taneyhill by beating the worst UT team in a quarter-century.

Congratulations…but one win doesn’t make up for 104 years of mediocrity. Hell, the cocks have spent more time discussing what they’re wearing to the game (a blackout….oooh that’s intimidating) than the actual game itself. I guess when you are destined for an ass whipping, fashion makes for a better topic.
Winner- Tennessee

Florida State at Maryland
I made the 2006 FSU-2005 UT Vols comparison weeks ago. Shitty offense with a coordinator the fans all hate but the head coach refuses to fire. The only difference is that since the ACC is so fucking shitty, the Noles may actually make a bowl. Even though the Criminoles are in the ACC basement, Coach Diddy Bowden still feels “real good about our program right now.” Whatever Diddy…you must enjoy the smell of shit. All that being said…
Winner- Florida State

Miami at Georgia Tech
From one shitty Florida team to another. The Noles have about 400 players coming off that stiff one game suspension for their huge brawl against FIU. According to Tech coach, Chan Gailey: “You come into our house, you should get your behind kicked. You don’t come into the BD playing that stuff. You’re across the ocean over there. You’re across the city. You can’t come over to our place talking noise like that. You’ll get your butt beat. I was about to go down the elevator to get in that thing.”
Winner- Georgia Tech

Georgia v. Florida (at Jacksonville)
Because of the PC pussies, this is no longer the World’s Largest Outdoor Cocktail Party but nothing else about this “rivalry” should really change. Georgia is just terrible. There’s no other way to put it. They absolutely suck. Their only shot is if the rumors of Tim Tebow taking over the Gator starting QB position and Urban’s messy divorce from Juicy Leak distract the Gator’s enough to keep the enemic Dawg offense in the game. But the Bow is unstoppable. He’s not a natural human, but a wierd, home-schooled machine forged to administer blumpkins and throw TD passes.
Winner- Florida

Last week’s record: 10-0
Record to Date: 69-11