Before the annual Third Saturday in October, But Sometimes They Play on the Fourth Saturday of the Same Month Game, I listed several reasons to hate Tennessee. Now that the Iron Bowl has rolled around, it’s time to give examples why Auburn sucks. Remember, these are in no particular order.
1. Global warming.
It’s a well known scientific fact that methane gas emitted from bovines is the main reasons our glaciers are melting at such a rate that soon our entire civilization will become extinct. Damn you Aubies!
2. Click Clack.
3. The Jungle.
Not long after Florida dubbed their stadium the Swamp, Auburn came right behind them and started calling Jordan-Hare The Jungle. Not only that, but they pump in Guns N Roses. Now that, my friends, is Tradition.
4. Tiger Walk.
Speaking of stealing ideas, Barners will tell anybody who’ll listen that they invented the “Insert Team Mascot Here” Walk, and that any team that uses any rendition of this parade of players stole the concept from Auburn. ‘Tis true. Before Auburn unveiled the Tiger Walk, some teams were forced to parachute their players into the stadium. Some used catapults, and others teams just decided to play their games in the parking lots outside the stadiums. Of course this resulted in many player injuries and fatalities.
5. Tubby’s hypnotic ears.
6. Mark May.
Once upon a time May was a bright, articulate up and comer at ESPN. He was a top notch college football analyst. That is, until that fateful Saturday a few years ago. So what happened to Mark on that day that made him turn into a complete idiot unable to grasp basic concepts of football and the English language? Mark merely stated what thousands of others around the country already thought, that Auburn was in Georgia. What’s that you say? You thought Auburn was in Georgia also? Well good thing for you that you’re not a relatively famous TV personality. The Auburn faithful piled his mailbox and email with hate mail and death threats. He was burned in effigy on campus. A four wheel drive pick-up with a gun rack drove his Nissan Maxima off the road one morning. All this changed May forever. And we see the end result every Saturday. Thanks again, Aubies.
7. Sidewalk alumni.
Or lack thereof if you talk to Auburn fans. According to these warped individuals, only those fortunate enough to attend or graduate from Auburn are fans of the athletic teams of the school. So let me get this straight, the fact that your school is so repulsive that the general public in, overwhelmingly large numbers, choose not to root for your team is a good thing? This makes me laugh everytime I meet some white trash individual wearing an Auburn hat.
http://geauxlsunpredictable.blogspot.com/2006/09/lsunpredictable-presents-mrs-coach.html
a nice pic for you. and it has tv’s patrick duffy.
um, OK.
I kinda like the Barn. Click Clack
you should do a piece on the size of headset. Can you imagine the size of those ear cups?
i’m a nurse at the local emergency room and i work weekends. i beg of you mike shula, win one for me! each time alabama loses a game, especially the iron bowl, our emergency room overflows with women who mysteriously fall down trailer steps and injure their faces, kidneys, spinal cords, and various other internal organs as well as missing clumps of hair. the last four iron bowls, the parade of injured women has started around the 2nd quarter and increases throughout the game then the masses start coming in. we staff up every iron bowl, but we can’t keep up.
please mike, i beg of you, win this one for the women!
“bigg bamma bubba” you da man! brilliant post!
aubarn sux, you right on! you knows eszactly whuts going on. them arrogant awbies with their hi falutin’ academics, their coach who disciplines, their players who grajeate, and their winnin’ tradishun. they don’t know nothing. bamma’s respected from coast to coast cause we got the word “alabama” in our name. everbody knows the word “alabama” is respected everwhere. i know them comideans make jokes about how we alabama fans ain’t too smart and ain’t got not teef and we marries our relatives, but i’ll argue the “smart” part to my dying day. we proves we’re smart by branging our toilit paper to the game on a mop handle and if we fergit to use it, we brang our laundry detergent so we can fix our little mess. someone who aint’ smart woodn’t thank of such a backup plan. also, them awbies thank just cause they got 8 national titles thats as legitimate as our 12 or 17 or 34 that they might catch up, but it ain’t gonna happen as long as we got bear we can pray to up above who will make us win. despite the liquor, prostitutes and corruption he loved so much, bear’s the god of all that’s good and bamma football is good. we praise him!
and remember, we got 12 or 17 or 34 so roll tide roll!!
which state college do more than 50% of students live in trailors? au
which state college has the least % of minority students? au
which state college produces the leaders of the state? not au
which state college is mentioned in every football dynasty conversation? not au
which state college is ranked in the top ten in basketball? not au
which state college has the most rhodes scholars? not au
which state college has the most academic all-americans? not au
which state college has the most national championships? not au
which state college can’t take their best players to media days because their speech is that of a 5yr old? au
which state college has their gameday radio broadcast lisented to by 2/3 of the state? not au
which state school can actually pack out their stadium and gym consistently? not au
i could go all day but this is enough to show how much au sucks. if thats not enough there is always more where that came from.
Please lose Mike Shula, I want out of the Big East
Shut the hell up Bobby, Mal Moore tole me it was my job. You better get used to playing on thursdays.
he should use terry bowden’s headset. with that goofy 90′s curly wire
Florence
i would also use tubbys thumb as a plug for their anuses (is that a word?)
Here is nice pic
http://www.flickr.com/photos/62193789@N00/297769813/
Florence, yes the emergency rooms overflow when Bama loses. Veterinarian offices overflow when Auburn loses.
I can’t wait to run my ‘NASCAR’ offense in T-Town. I will re-mold John Sarah Jessica Parker Wilson back into a SEC QB.
i have been a alabama fan since bear bryant coached at the university of alabama. i remember the championship team of 1979. for i attended the sugar bowl game against penn state with joe paterno. this team this year is a very good team but not being consistent. mike shula is not bear bryant but should tell his kids to call moma and play with all their hearts and minds for their school and their parents. fight and play your best with all your ability and stay focused. you put in your mind you can win and do your dang best to win. and win one for the bear.
i’m greatful that we got mike in charge uv ar progrum. he is not only a grate coach, he dressis knice and wears expensive gold necklaces and rings. he will win us ar 13th or 19th or 26th nashnul champeenchip this year and next year. i am sick of ar fans sayin bad thangs about mike and actin like he don’t know what he’s doin. we kneed to keep supportin our guy mike by continuin to bring our own toilet paper on a stick to the games. nothing says bama football and tradeeshun like brangin ar own toilet paper for us to use when and where we need it. aubies got that silly bird flyin round the stadyum but we got toilet paper on a stick!
roll tide roll!! we got us 12 or 19!!! we gone git more!!
i have been a huge alabama fan my entire life and am proud to be an alumni of university. i live in seattle washington now and i always hear remarks of how stupid people are from alabama. i have even been told that my degree from alabama is no better than a high school degree in the state of washington. maybe the good people of alabama are not as modern and are not as intellectual driven like people in the city of seattle or new york, but football is our expression. alabama football used to be a since of pride for people from alabama. it used to say to the rest of the nation that we know ya’ll all think were stupid and ignorant, but here’s a taste of our football team. here’s a dose of the crimson and white that full of heart, toughness, and guts and is always able to hit you in the mouth and will do whatever it takes to win. then people from alabama can say maybe were not as intellectual, but we know how to beat ass. it saddens me that we have lost that.
if any of you could grow your bangs like jpw, you too could throw for 300 yard. jpw is the second coming of tyler watts and the sooner you learn that, the sooner we can promote jpw for the heisman.
welcome to shreveport bama.
steak
house
university
loses again to
auburn
hey alabama fans, i’ll say this. here’s what alabama stands now..
national championships: alabama 12 auburn 1
sec championships: alabama 21 auburn 6
famous coaches at alabama: wallace wade, frank thomas, bear bryant, gene stallings
alabama has got the most bowl wins: 30, 31 possible.
ncaa record: 28 10-win seasons
sec’s program of the century
alabama fans have got something to be proud of. that’s alabama football and i’m proud to be a fan of the crimson tide. roll tide roll!!!!!!
For all Barners, we are at gate 17 Saturday.
i love how auburn thinks they are better than arkansas. Here are some good reasons:
they lost to them
they lost more sec games (reg season)
they are GAY
they got the cotton bowl over arkansas (gay)
anyone else?
Ha. I will admit, I still have some hate in me from the 2005 Sugar Bowl. If only Pace could have hit those two FG’s, and our FB at the time could have caught that easy pass, 3 years from the endzone. The Hokies could have stopped that 13-0 season.
Rolllll Tide!!! Roll Tide Roll, Around the bowl and down the hole six years in a row!!!! Pick a finger rednecks.
Auburn owns bama in every sense of the word. Better campus, better coach, better fans, better band. Tommy T will eat your face off.
War Eagle! You Bama fans bash Auburn and say they suck when theyv’ve beaten you for how many?, 5? No, 6! 6 years! And they kicked Florida’s ass for the 3rd year in a row. Let’s see? Undefeated in 2004, gave the National Championship to the faggy Sooners. Tool Tide my ass. Bama wishes they produced HB’s like Ronnie Brown, Cadillac Williams, Bo Jackson, Kenny Irons, and Joe Cribbs. The only good HB for Bama was Shaun Alexander. I’m not just hatin’ on Bama. I am a Seahawks fan too and Shaun is da bomb. I’m just tired of smug Bammers bashing AU. Peace
AU: Tuberville kicks ass
UA: Saban SUCKS ass
AU: Kodi Burns 4 HEISMAN
UA: John Parker Wilson… Uhh
AU: 6 consecutive iron bowl dominations
UA: 6 consecutive iron bowl asskickings
I just wanted to clear up a few misconceptions about Alabama’s claim to 12 national championships based on fact rather than bias. Credit is given where credit is due.
To clear up confusion, the word retroactive means they went back in time to award the championship.
‘TWELVE’ national championships is fraudulent, nothing but pure bunk ginned up by the SID Department. Here’s a rundown:
1925 National Championship- Alabama claims they share this one with Dartmouth. Who awarded the NC? Houlgate and Helms. Houlgate started his system in 1927. So Bama won their 1925 NC using a formula that didn’t exist until 1927? Helms Athletic Foundation started in 1941. Another incredible retroactive NC.
The Associated Press Poll has been active since 1936. The AP took their final poll prior to bowl games from 1936 – 1964 and in 1966 and 1967. They took their final poll after the bowl games in 1965 and from 1968 – Current.
1926 National Championship- Alabama claims they share this one with 3 other teams with equal or better records! Once again it is the Helms Athletic Foundation in 1941 that awards it!
1930 National Championship- The Davis poll says that Bama tied Notre Dame for NC this year. This was the only one to award it to Bama. Notre Dame was named NC in 6 polls! Parke Davis is another retroactive system! He (an individual, not an organization) did his in 1933!
1934 National Championship- Alabama says they share this with two other teams. The awarders are Dunkel, Williamson, and Football Thesaurus. Dunkel was an individual who came up with his own system. Williamson was a geologist who came up with his own system. Football Thesaurus first appeared in 1946!
1941 National Championship- This is a complete joke. The AP ranked Alabama 20th in the nation with 14 teams with better records in the top 20. Once again it is the Football Thesaurus that retroactively awards it. Alabama finished 3rd in the SEC that year. Mississippi State won the SEC title..yet Bama claims a National title!
1961 National Championship- Finally a legitimate NC. .
1964 National Championship- While the AP did award the NC to Bama (10-1-0), Arkansas had the better record, 11-0. Alabama played Texas in their bowl and LOST. The AP final poll was before the bowl.
1965 National Championship- The AP gave this to Bama. That year there were three teams with better records than Bama. Bama 9-1-1, Michigan St 10-1-0, Arkansas 10-1-0, Nebraska 10-1-0.
1973 National Championship- AP puts Bama 4th after their bowl game loss. Bama claims a NC from the UPI poll that was taken before they met Notre Dame in the bowl game and lost. There were 3 teams with better records than Bama that year. The embarrassment of naming Alabama number one caused the UPI to name champions after bowl games. Yet Bammer has no shame in claiming it of course.
1978 National Championship- AP gives this to Alabama(11-1-0) even though USC (12-1-0) had the better record Guess who Alabama lost to that year? USC!!!!!!!!!. UPI gave the NC to USC.
1979 National Championship- Their second legitimate NC. Their first Unanimous NC.
1992 National Championship- Their third legitimate NC. Their second Unanimous NC.
You can see why people ridicule Bama fans when they talk about 12 NCs. The early ones were awarded by individuals years after the games were played. These weren’t consensus polls but NCs awarded by people that had their own formula for determining champions. Some NCs were given before bowl games that Bama lost. Using Alabama logic, Auburn could claim four national championships. But when Bammers brag they like to say they have twelve and Auburn has one. How silly. The NCAA recognizes 6 NCs for Bama and there are only two NCs that Bama has unanimously. You can’t find an Auburn site claiming four national championships but there are plenty Bama sites claiming twelve.
Debunking the Alabama National Championship myths.
At the same time, Auburn could claim at least 5 national titles using the Bammer methods.
1913- Auburn went 8-0 and claimed the NC in the Billingsley Poll.
1957-AP national Champions.
1983-Auburn went 11-1, played the nation’s toughest schedule, and won the national title in The New York Times, Sagarin, Billingsley, Rothman and College Football Researchers Association
1993-Auburn went 11-0 and won the national title by the National Championship Foundation .
2004- Auburn became only the second team in SEC history to go 13-0. Auburn even beat SEC East champion Tennessee twice. Auburn was awarded the national title by the first People’s National Championship Poll, Golf Digest, and The Eufaula Times.
AUBURN only claims the 1957 national title. HOWEVER..IF Alabama can claim some of the ones that they claim, we have ever right to claim the ones above.
Bama…legends in their own minds!
References:
http://www.ncaa.org/champadmin/ia_football_past_champs.html
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/NCAA_Division_I-A_national_football_championship
http://sports.espn.go.com/chat/sportsnation/story?page=communityfbip
University of Alabama is Auburn’s bitch now. Get over it, Bama fans. Any half wit could go to the University of Alabama…look at the entrance requirements for yourself and compare them to Auburn’s, Bama’s are considerably lower than Auburns. It’s even more pathetic that the Bama fans of the state are too brain dead (probably from Crystal meth abuse) and lazy to get off their white trash asses and get an education. And while yes, many Auburn students live in trailers (though it is not nearly HALF of the student population…your source for that info must be one of those crackheads from Tuscaloosa) it’s not because they are white trash, it’s because the property value in Auburn and Lee county are higher than anywhere else in the state (with the exception of the Gulf Coast and Lakefront properties) and SO it’s more expensive to live in Auburn; and since many students are paying for their own education, (because Auburn is Land Grant institution and is not allowed to give away as many academic scholarships) they cannot afford relatively high rent in Auburn. (It is a better investment for a student to buy a trailer for $25,000 and resell it after 4 years than blow money on rent every year anyway…do the math, if you can) And whoever said Auburn has less graduates that are leaders of the state…not only is that NOT true, yet again, you must have gotten that from your crack head source, but even if it were true, Auburn has more NATIONAL and INTERNATIONAL leaders than Bama could ever dream. Oh, and thank you Jason above for clearing up the fact that Bama actually does not have 12 national championships…Don’t even get me started on that. Last time I checked Auburn has been consistently and significantly ranked higher, by an neutral source, than Bama for the past 10 years overall in the quality of the University (including academics, social life, atheletics, etc). Marinate in that for a while Bama fans. War Damn Eagle.
Jason, allow me to somewhat contradict the cover-up of your raging jealousy:
First and foremost, don’t touch base on a subject you obviously know absolutely NOTHING about. You only make your own self look even dumber than you actually are.
So you precariously claim our unanimous 12 National Titles are illegitimate? Isn’t that how you guys (Alabama Polytechnic Institute in the magical rodeo-fied city of Aubarn, Alabama) go about claiming legitimate “SEC” titles. It’s hilarious hearing a FAN of a team who only has half of one question the credibility of another team’s legitimate titles.
Remember, prior to the AP/UPI title era, the Rose Bowl was deemed the heavyweight bowl and the winner was considered “Champions of the Universe.” This is why EVERY TEAM WHO WON THE ROSE BOWL PRIOR TO THE AP/UPI TITLE CLAIMED A NATIONAL CHAMPIONSHIP FOR THAT PARTICULAR YEAR!
1925: Rose Bowl 10-0
1926: Rose Bowl 9-0-1 (Tie game with Stanford giving each of us a share of the title)
1930: Rose Bowl 10-0-0
1934: Rose Bowl 10-0
1961: AP/UPI
1964: AP/UPI
1965: AP
1973: UPI
1978: AP
1979: AP
1992: AP
Illegitimate Unclaimed Titles (All for you, Barnie Jason):
1936: Alabama finishes the season 8-0-1, but didn’t claim a National Title because we finished the season ranked 4th in the AP/UPI.
1937: Alabama finishes the season 9-1, losing to USC in the Rose Bowl and ending the season ranked 4th in the AP/UPI.
1945: Alabama finished the season 10-0, blowing out USC in the Rose Bowl, but didn’t claim a title because we finished the season ranked number 2, behind number 1, Army. Some argue that the 1945 team may have been Bama’s greatest of all time. The bias officially comes into affect once again!
1962: Alabama finished the season 10-1 with a Orange Bowl victory over Oklahoma, but didn’t claim a title because we finished the season ranked fifth in AP/UPI.
1966 (See the new novel, “The Missing Ring”): The most controversial season in all of collegiate football. This is where the Northern/Western States’ bias towards the Southern States plays yet another huge roll in college football. Alabama was aiming for their third straight National Championship season. Ending the previous season ranked number 1, Alabama was questionably preseason ranked “3rd” in 1966. In the other major poll, the AP poll, Alabama started the season ranked first, but was questionable moved to third at the season’s end?!?!?! At the season’s end, we finished undefeated, destroying Nebraska in the Orange Bowl 34-7. However, first ranked Notre Dame and second ranked Michigan State intentionally played to a 10-10 tie in their final game against each other (which wasn’t even a bowl game). Instead of Alabama moving to first place, we were oddly held at third. The Southern nation always felt (and some still do) that this was done intentionally to keep a Southern team from winning their third consecutive title. In addition, a quick review of the results from BAMA’s ’66 season shows a team that by far outclassed all of the competition it faced. Bama manhandled every opponent only giving up a total of 37 points all season long while shutting out the 7 of the 11 of the opponents they played. Fortunately, at least one well known individual of that time also felt that BAMA was a deserving team that year. Vince Lombardi , after winning the Super Bowl, was asked if the Packers had removed all doubt as to who was the best football team in the worrld. Lombardi replied, “Well, I don’t know. We haven’t played Alabama yet!!”
1974: Alabama finished the season ranked fifth in AP/UPI, as well as lost their bowl game against Notre Dame.
1975: Alabama finished the season 11-1 with a 13-6 victory over Penn State in the Sugar Bowl, but did not claim a title because they finished the season ranked third in AP/UPI.
1977: Alabama finished the season ranked 11-1 with a 35-6 Sugar Bowl victory over Ohio State, but did not claim a title because we finished the season ranked second in AP/UPI.
Proud Alabama Polytechnic Institute Accomplishments:
1957: The only legit title they have. Despite the fact that they finished the regular season 10-0, while on probation, they finished that season ranked number 1. PS: Seeing as how you claim we SHOULDN’T claim national titles during years in which we lost the bowl, well wouldn’t it be fair for API not to claim one seeing how THEY DIDN’T EVEN PLAY IN A BOWL GAME IN 1957 DUE TO PROBATION? Somewhere along the line before the late 1970s, bowl games were considered “exhibition” games; therefore the AP title was awarded PRIOR TO THE BOWL GAMES BEING PLAYED.
1983: Auburn’s only loss was to the Texas Longhorns, but they did in fact defeat Michigan in the Sugar Bowl. But they didn’t claim a title because they finished that season ranked third behind Miami and Nebraska. If they say they deserve the title this year, then so does Alabama for the 1975, 1977 seasons in which we finished 11-1 with a Sugar Bowl victory as well, but did not claim the title because we didn’t finish that season ranked first in the country. Not to mention the 1966 Sugar Bowl victory in which we finished the season undefeated with a Sugar Bowl victory, but was denied the title because we finished third.
1993: Auburn finished the season “undefeated.” However, they did not compete in the SEC Championship or bowl game. They finished the season ranked “fourth, ” but shouldn’t have been considered in the rankings due to it being unfair to the other teams that they did not play in a bowl game while the others did. That’s like Alabama going undefeated in the regular season in 1994 (the very next season), but lost to Florida in the SEC Championship game. Since this is the case, we finished fourth in 1994, winning all of our regular season games. Therefore, we should “claim” the 1994 season as an “undefeated” season as well!
I’ll mention 2004, though nobody voted them champions, other than the Opelika/Awbarn Farmer’s Market poll. Auburn did in fact finish the season undefeated. But a lackluster performance against an Alabama team who limped into the game with what little key starters they had. And a questionable call to win a one point game over LSU, hindered them from consideration. A win is a win, indeed, but, unlike Auburn, normal people are going to look into the details. Plus, you ran your mo uth to capacity about USC and Oklahoma who were both MORE DESERVING than you guys were. Not to mention the close call over Virginia Tech in the Sugar Bowl closed that case (and let’s not forget your players cheated to remain eligible this season as well)… Seriously, who throws a National Championship parade and orders National Championship rings for a team that didn’t even play for the BCS title?
Also, l’ve noticed Auburn’s claimed SEC West titles when they didn’t even play in the championship games because of tie-breakers.
What about their six SEC titles – Prior to 1992, the first year in which the SEC Championship game was played?
1988: They shared a title with LSU, but LSU defeated Auburn that season, 6-7; and had six SEC victories.
1989: They share a title with Alabama, who had more SEC wins than they did; and who played for the National Title that season, but unfortunately lost to Miami in the Sugar Bowl, 25-33.
So, what’s with the AUbsession over Nick Saban and Alabama?
Shouldn’t you guys be more concerned with whichever fraternity is throwing a rodeo this weekend? Or the fact that Tuberredneck can no longer recruit with a duck call in his mouth, the way he could when doormat Shula was leading the Tide?
I understand your envy toward the fatherly institute, and truly I have no idea what it’s like to attend a school located in a backwoods college town, consisting of nothing but redneck students, cow pastures, chicken houses, and catfish farms, and having NO proper nightlife whatsoever and your only method of fun is weekend rodeos. So I guess seeing how nothing spectacular ever goes on in that dead town (besides the sibling sex that takes place in the luxurious Wire Road trailer parks), I guess I would jealously talk more about the bigger, prime time programs myself.
Doesn’t it suck to be an Alabama Polytechnic Institute student? I guess you brain-dead rednecks enjoy mudriding, hunting, fishing, country concerts at the SkyBar (one of your grand total of five bars in that backwoods city), and fraternity rodeos where more people show up for those events than they do API football games!!!
Anyway, On a more serious note, do you honestly think a coach you couldn’t even fire at one point in time will continue his “streak of luck” over a more superior coach who is in the process of reeling in talent that doesn’t just one-up yours, it practically OWNS yours? I highly doubt he’ll continue to feed off of our crucial in-game mishaps and come away with a narrow victory over us in the forthcoming future. I’m sure you backwoods Barnies will deny, however it’s understandable considering the manure they feed you guys are mixed with braincell-damaging chemicals.
HOWEVER, I do understand this streak is all you guys have and will ever have (other than hosting THE BEST rodeos in the south… you really have us there). So soak it up and enjoy it while you can. It’s not everyday you see success like this (especially after winning a grand total of only FOUR OUT OF 12 IRON BOWLS PRIOR TO 2002, ironically enough THE YEAR OUR PROBATIONARY SENTENCING BEGAN). More like every other 30 years.
It’s great to be an API Cowgirl, say it’s great…
Don’t forget these!
Toomers Corner–
Its really so sad that Aubs roll their own campus in toilet paper, then have to eventually clean up their own mess. I can’t even add anything more to that.
Tiger Tails–
Sadly, numerous Aubs have copied the Alabama fan- created idea of hanging a tiger tail from the trunk. This was originally done to give the appearance that the Alabama fan had the Auburn mascot kidnapped/killed or whatever, and stuffed in the trunk. The Aubs liked it so much, they too decided to stuff Aubie in their trunk, with only his tail revealed–brilliant!