I was kicked out of my home in November and my divorce should be final in four days. Due to a lack of a kitchen or a home for that matter, we are getting back to basics on Cooking With Lloyd. Today we are going to eat an apple. I prefer a crisp, tart apple. Nothing worse than one that has been sitting around too long. Look for a Fuji, Braeburn, or Honeycrisp. Red Delicious (RD) should only be eaten at the height of crispness. If you can find a RD at the perfect crispness, make love to it. Otherwise treat it like your wife.

First, you go to the grocery store and pick out an apple that does NOT give when you press slightly. Put the thing down, flip it, and reverse it. It should give off a nice hollow sound. Take it to the register or steal it if you don’t have the money.

When you get in your car, take a huge bite out of it knowing that you will soon be free of all marital obligations. MMMMMMMMMMMMm that tastes good.

Next week, we will open a can of baked beans!!!