(Hat tip to tommynole3476. Notice that Chris Leak is never mentioned?)
Dear Ohio State Buckeyes,
While I have never been a fan of your team, school, or any of your players. And I have always felt it is the oddest case of narcissism that you must add a “THE” whenever referring to your school. I feel the need to tell you that THE state of Florida needs you now, The United States of America needs you now, dare I say THE World needs you now. If you manage to lose to the University of Florida at Gainesville, I am not sure if you are aware of the ripple affect it will have on the entire State of Florida, and eventually the country, and quite possibly the world. This is more than a national championship game, this is a fight for preventing a tragic increase in a number of hideous, disgusting, and horrific acts of senseless redneckness. Here are just some of the things that will eventually take over the country if you were to lose.
1. The mullet hair style will not only come back into style, it will be the only style available at most major hair salons, women’s included. (Don’t know what a mullet is? Business in the front, party in the back. Barry Melrose, you get the picture.)
2. The only type of clothing you will be able to buy anywhere (Wal-Mart, Target, Department Stores, and yes even the Gap) will be jean shorts, various types of gator tank tops, mesh gator hats, and gator themed camouflage. (As though a tree or bush would have a gator symbol randomly placed on it)
3. At all grocery stores and convenience stores milk, bottled water, and fruit juice will ultimately be replaced with aluminum cans (not even glass bottles) of bud, Busch, Coors, and old Milwaukee. (that’s right, all foreign beers will be gone, you won’t even be able to get a Sam Adams eventually!)
4. A new Bill legalizing domestic violence will be signed, with the only stipulation being if “she started it.”
5. A new “King James Version” of the Bible will soon be created, the only noticeable change will be replacing God with Urban Meyer, Jesus with Tim Tebow, and Lord with Percy Harvin.
6. ESPN Classic will be forced to only show replays of Gator games, and since there aren’t enough wins in their history against real teams, they will be forced to change the outcome of many games through editing and photo shopping one teams uniforms onto another’s, and vice versa. (Didn’t know it was actually Tommy Frazier and Lawrence Phillips who played for Florida? They will now!)
7. The phrase “Git ‘er Done!” will be taught in all grade levels in all institutions across the country, as an acceptable response to anything, and will be required to be said at least 20 times a day, with half of said times being screamed and followed with “Go Gators!”
8. Orthodontists and Dentists will immediately be disbanded as a legal practice of medicine. If you need braces, dental work, or a filling it will have to be done in basements, back alleys, or roaming vans.
9. Brushes and toothpaste will also be replaced with dip, chewing tobacco, and cigarettes. And the legal age of 18 to buy said products will be abolished (that’s right your 4 month old could buy Redman if he wanted to!).
10. Possibly worst of all the American flag would soon be replaced with the Southern Cross, only with various versions of said flag being acceptable, and are including but not limited to: Flags bearing the phrases “git ‘er done” “Go Gators!” “Show me your T!ts!” “I told you the South would do it again!” etc.
Jim Tressel, Troy Smith, Ted Ginn and teammates, we are all counting on you to prevent the said tragedies from happening. I am not concerned with how much you win by, or if you need to pay off some refs like you did in the NC game against Miami. Just as long as you win.
Sincerely,
Seminole Nation and America
WAKE FOREST 30 – F$U 0
UF 4-0 in last four vs FSU.
Moron, FSU won in 2003
38-34
UF is not 4-0 in the last four
4-0? I could’ve sworon we won in 2003? Oh yeah, that was the “swindle”, in which we didn’t actually win, UF just got cheated…
er…sworn even…
lol @ the swindle, typical gators always blaming refs
wow, you fellas are weird
heh…Rush Probst. Rush, how much money you makin off those 2 a days season DVDs?
This is really a funny read coming from a school whose students typically are unable to gain admission to UF. The inferiority complex of the Florida State College for Women seems permanently imbedded in the mindset of the typical Criminole fan, who are a bunch of wannabees.
This is all they can muster since THEY appeared in the Emerald Nut Bowl and barely stayed above .500. Five and six loss seasons have become the norm in Tallahassee.
LOL
Only one thing that an FSU student and a UF student have in common…..they both got accepted to FSU. Now go take your inferiority complex back to the only university where you can actually take classes in Circus!
Went to both UF and FSU. I can say for a fact that I LOVED FSU and was blah on UF. What is funny is that most Gators bring up that it is so hard to get into UF – nah – now if it were Oxford – yeah I’d be impressed. UF is a good school and so is FSU, USF and UCF. The education you get is as
good as the undergrad programs – and FSU has UF beat by a mile!
Nole Grad….the FACTS would argue that MOST FSU students did NOT get accepted into UF…..while ANY UF student that applies to FSU, gets in. The truth hurts, but it is what it is. Don’t be too unhappy though. According to a recent Wall Street Journal article on state schools, the acceptance rate at FSU has declined by almost 10% over the last five years…..of course the article points out that this is directly attributable to higher ranked students who not able to get into UF, are applying to FSU instead.
I believe this lame attempt at comedy proves that FSU should stick to what it does best – Creating Clowns and Future Felons
Big Al? Percy Harvin should have attended FSU? future felon
WAYS TO “WASSL” A GATOR
10.) Look Into His Eyes and Declare War
9.) Blind Him with Scarlet and Gray
8.) Rip Out His Larynx
7.) Make Him Suck Buckeye
6.) Get to the “Heart of it All”
5.) Don’t Forget to Dot the I
4.) MICHIGAN STILL SUCKS…
3.) Point to Tressel, say: “That’s Yo Daddy”
2.) Hang On Sloopy… We’re Almost There…
1.) Stick a Heisman Down His Throat and WATCH HIM CHOKE!!!
GO BUCKS………. Do it for the Seminole Nation and America!!!
Brought to you by: Freedom Fighters for Unconditional Love. Go BUCKS!!!!!!!!!!!!
FSU was my Safety School.
Sorry GatorGunner – while you may think you have the facts – I have been to both schools. Both get you an education you want- and get you a job. Having been to both – I personally found FSU to be a better academic school. YOU continue to think what you want – I know what worked for me – got a great education and a great job – what more could you ask for?
Comin’ atcha from THE state of O-H-I-O………….
GO BUCKS!!!!!
WAKE FOREST 30 – F$U 0
snapper,
unbias kiplinger says, sorry,but, typical for a nole, you are wrong. Say what you want, but it will not make it true. Most fsu students couldn’t get into sfcc, much less UF. UF is ranked so much higher academically than fsu in so many ways it is almost like, well, football.
ok ok, so you went to the nut bowl and won. congrats. the problem now for the sow is that it has a universal case of Gator envy and responds in the only way it knows how; making things up to try and throw mud on the Gators and somehow elevate them from their horrific existance.
Jobs you say? Son, let me tell you. your fsu parchment gets you the fry spot over the salad bar. The UF diploma you own the restaurant.
crying and begging another school to beat us, well, that is really just pathetic.
buckeyes – THE University of Florida looks forward to the matchup. Sometimes you feel like a nut, sometimes you don’t.
Wow, who really gives a shit about wake forest? Tebow is gay, and Leak is a self-centered pussy
Queers and Female Reproductive Organs 1, Ohio State 0.
Whatever. The mullet hairstyle is still cooler than a coach who wears depends and shuffles around the sidelines listining to Benny Goodman through his headset.
If these posts are indicative of the best the two “Permier” Florida universities can muster, I’m sending my granddaughter to “Bama. At least she’ll learn to cook possum.
…and yes, I do know how to spell premier; I just didn’t want to confuse anyone.
Yeah I agree, UF is reallllllllly redneck. But wait, Florida State University ISN’T in FLORIDA? OH MY GOODNESS, why has my Geography teacher been filling my with the non-sense of Tallahassee being the capital of Florida!?
You’re stupid.
We beat THE Ohio State University, and you.
And we’ll do it again next year.
Jeff – you make of what education you get. UF and FSU are both good schools – and Kiplinger get real. You pay the bucks and you get the ratings – get a clue!
We beat THE Ohio State University, and you.
You didn’t beat me, lad. I never picked up a football in my life, and my degrees are from Chicago and Stanford.
Thanks for punctuating my point, though.
I find it rather ridiculous that a UF fan would be an elitist about his or her school..congratulations on your accomplishment, you and 50,000 of your best friends got in..man, you must be proud. I really don’t know how you managed to topple the academic review boards at the state school level and really shine, along with the thousands of your classmates, and gain acceptance. I really feel you should throw that into the face of FSU, UCF and USF grads and really gloat over it. I mean, everyone knows that UF is the “Harvard of Central Gainesville”..congrats! Perhaps you can remind your wonderboy quarterback, Tim Tebow, that if he wants to really shine in your self-proclaimed Ivy League status, then perhaps a major entitled “family, religious, and community studies” or the like isn’t exactly up to par. I mean seriously..that’s ridiculous. UF is academically superior? Talk about a moot point. One of your “best” players was HOME SCHOOLED. How about you keep this discussion about football and don’t try to flex and academic muscle that doesn’t exist. FSU has one of the top film/arts schools in the country and is a far better humanities school than UF. Unless all of you on this got engineering degrees, I’d shut up.
Neither are ranked in even the top 25 schools, so who the hell cares?
UF, congrats on the national championship for the SEC…congrats as well for losing to Auburn and proving to the country we’re better than anyone. You suck!!