Nick “Rex” Saban to Ruin Mardi Gras

Whenever I see someone in a flannel shirt and I scream, “coonass!” with a rifle in my hand, some people (Bammers excluded) just don’t seem to get it.

Why? Because some of the great movie classics like Red Dawn or Southern Comfort of the Reagan-era American cinema languish in near-obscurity. This is truly unfortunate, especially since we just haven’t had enough flag-waving jingoistic fervor in this country lately. Every red-blooded American should go out and watch these movies immediately. If you don’t, then the Bammers and Nick Saban have already won. All that will be left is to play keno and smoke crack.

(The Bama coaching staff captures some Cajuns)

After a week of regional and national debate and indecision on whether or not the term “coonass” is derogatory or not, Cajuns have unequivocally rejected Alabama’s token olive branch of peace. Don’t believe the stereotypical nonsense about cajuns that movies like Southern Comfort put out. The Cajun Nation is usually kind, forgiving and tolerant. However, it appears that they have just had enough of Nick Saban’s bullshit.

(Cajuns/Coonasses/Corndogs relaxing near Lake Charles)

Cajun spokesman Joe Thibodeaux had this to say, “Is it not already bad enough that he (Saban) pokes fun of Coach(LSU) Les Miles calling him Rainman? He steals our recruits (Luther Davis), he makes that tape that mocks the way we talk and he steals JaMarcus Russell away from LSU and the NFL? He has to go and make fun of the way Ed Orgeron talks? Down here, we consider Coach O to be the perfect specimen of cajun masculinity. Hell, I guess it is OK to make fun of him, most of us Cajuns make fun of him too.”

But to serve as King Rex during Carnival? Saban has crossed the line!! In fact, the line he crossed is 100 yards behind him. He is going to have to take that shit down or get out of town (We are not sure what “shit” Saban is being told to take down).

Unbelieving that anyone would ever refuse anything from him, the cold, unfeeling and unblinking Nick Saban boldly exerted his domination over the State of Louisiana by crowning himself as “Rex” the King of Carnival. New Orleans, State, and Cajun Leaders are fit to be tied. Most certainly there is nothing that they can do but continue to bend over and accept Saban’s painfully technically awkward prostate exams. There is a bit of good news, it is rumored that Saban chews his nails which make the checks more palatable.

Saban then proclaimed that the name Rex be stricken forever and replaced with the name Nick. Saban will uniquely serve as both King and Queen. Stating that he had much better hair than of “those Marie LaVeau sluts that ride around in the bayous on brooms and air boats.”

Rex Nick has been the global symbol of New Orleans’ most famous holiday since his first appearance in 1872. The all-male krewe is responsible for the concept of day parades, for the official Mardi Gras flag and colors – green for faith, gold for power, purple for justice – and for the anthem of Carnival, “If I Ever Cease to Love,” as well as for one of the most popular throws, the doubloon. Sponsored by the School of Design, the 600 men of Rex Nick Operate Pro Bono Publico – For The Public Good. Rex Nick selects an outstanding civic leader to reign over Mardi Gras, and his queen is always a debutante.