Peyton Manning
Peyton Manning was on ESPN Radio’s Mike and Mike show (Podcast here) and he discussed how his bracket on both the mens and womens side has Tennessee winning it all. He talked about how he thinks after watching Tennessee beat Florida and that he believes that the Vols are good enough to win it all, both the mens and womens. He got Mike and Mike talking about our great flagship university for quite sometime. He further discussed that Joakim Noah looks and acts like a Danny Bonaduce/Eddie Murphy date “mistakes”.
He is such a great ambassador for our university and it was great to hear him this morning as I drove to work. Then I had an epiphany: Peyton Manning loves money and then I began to wonder if he was just an attention-whore. As I listened to Peyton drone on about how great Gatorade was, I thought that he was stealing money from the stoners/dopers in Gainesville. Why else would Peyton Manning shilling Gatorade swill? Why is Peyton Manning endorsing a symbol of the University of Oklahoma in Gainesville?
Take Manning’s Gatorade commercial. In it, a football splits open to a rather sickening squelching sound effect, and via some surprisingly unconvincing stop-action photography Manning emerges from an oversized amniotic sac that looks strikingly like a reinforced Hefty bag. The whole sequence is strikingly reminiscent of the “Aliens” movies, none of which were especially good vehicles for moving sports drinks. The final shot is of Manning chugging a bottle of Gatorade. This leaves a viewer with the following sequence of reactions: “What the fuck is wrong with him?
I believe that if Peyton got an offer to do Playgirl Magazine, and he would do it. He would do a full spread for Playgirl Magazine. I mean spread, man; he would pull his butt apart and stuff. He would be totally nude. It would be weird, I… I mean, we probably wouldn’t hear about it ’cause he would go under the name of Mike Honcho.
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Peyton is a pussy. He could never beat a REAL university – he had to settle for beating the likes of Vandy, Ole Miss and South Carolina. He is such a great ambassador for how NOT to beat the University of Florida. Hell, he has already sold his soul to Gainesville by being a spokesperson for GATORade. Some Volunteer he is.