Free agent college quarterback Mitch Mustain is set to sign with USC and be eligible for the 2008 season, according to various media outlets.

“Coach Carroll’s awesome,” Mustain said “he showed me the inner workings of USC football. He even showed me every text message on his phone-and no one had to subpoena him! Seriously, who knew Mrs. Carroll wanted him to pick up a five pound bag of Yukon Gold potatoes and a sixer of Sierra Nevada on the way home from work last week? Kick-ass!”

Mustain’s high-profile mother, Beck Campbell, seemed relieved that the re-recruiting process was over. “The bullshit drama we faced and the microscope we were under in Fayetteville has given us ample experience for Mitch and I to move to L.A., where I’m pitching a reality show about us, entitled “Mustain Insane.” The CW network has already expressed interest. Oh-and I’m also available for talk shows, trade shows, even infomercials. I love an audience.”

When reached at his office, Arkansas head coach Houston Nutt declined comment, as he was too busy texting, um…recruits. Because that’s how Busta Nutt communicates, yo.

As for Mustain’s former high school coach/college offensive coordinator Gus Malzahn, sources say he was last seen at a Golden Corral Steak House on the outskirts of Tulsa, misty-eyed over a top sirloin and a Bud Light draft, checking his cell phone constantly in hopes that Pete Carroll will break down and call and hire him as an offensive coordinator, too.

Jamie Clark, busboy at Golden Corrall Steak House in Tulsa, contributed to this story.