My advice to Bull Gators today is as follows: If you take the game of football seriously, if you take your nervous system seriously, if you take your sense organs seriously, if you take the energy process seriously, you must turn on, tune in, and drop out. If you can’t smoke it, don’t play football on it. Reality is a crutch for people who can’t cope with drugs. An excerpt from Herban Meyer’s opening speech at the 2007 Gator Fantasy Camp.
Holy hell what a week. I just got back from Gainesville and Herban Meyer’s Fantasy 
Football Camp (Double Click on the thumbnail to the left to enlarge). I am famished!!! I have never eaten so many doritos in my life. Look at the picture above!! It’s is an autographed Herban Meyer football that I received for winning a Bong Naming Contest for one of the Gator Superstars!! Here is the winning name that I submitted: Intergalactic Cosmos Time Travel Ship X Radar Beam. As you can see, the ball is made of 100% Hemp!! A bunch of the Gators kept trying to tackle me and the ball!! You know, a Strip the Ball Drill? [football courtesy of Ty Shock]
Listen to the words that I am typing, not only did I learn a lot about SEC Spread Option football but I also learned a ton of useful information about marijuana and it’s importance to Gator Football as well. Hey, did you know that Gravity Bucket Hitters will get a Gator “Baked”? I know now. In fact, I was told by a Gator “insider” that the Brandons’ [Don't ya'all think this outlaw bit has done got out of hand?], who were arrested last week in a buy-bust, were doing gravity bong hits. It was a sad day when we learned of their arrest. Coach had the National Championship and SEC Championship Flags lowered to half-mast in honor of these fallen Gator-Warriors. A very sad day indeed. Like Coach always say “some people end up on third base without hitting a triple”. I think that Herban really enjoys butchering Barry Switzer quotes.
All of the campers did receive this entertaining but highly inaccurate video [Baby Gator Raising]. Sure it has a lot of the top 1% of the 1% ideology embedded in it. But damnit, the kid needs a gun or a bong (or both), a mullet haircut and a pair of Jorts to maintain historical accuracy. You know they always say that the movies are never as accurate as the book…
Anyway despite racking up arrests numbers 11 and 12 (during camp week) since winning the national championship, those were 3 insightful and fun days as Herban and his staff covered the following topics:
- Busted! Experiences and stories about dealing with the law & drug testing.
- Cannabis Activism What people are doing to change oppressive marijuana laws. And how we can help Herban so he can stop the meaningless suspensions of Gator players
- Marijuana Growing Newest information about marijuana growing techniques.
- Marijuana Price Watch Herban and his staff told us what’s available, where, at what price around the world! We also looked at pix of the Gators latest scores.
- “Medicinal” Marijuana The newest rage in Gainesville. Discussions of Marcus Thomas and his now famous medicinal marijuana defense. What it’s good for, how to ingest it, scientific studies and legal issues.
- Hashish Coach’s newest recruiting strategy to replace text messaging. Discussions included the wonders of hash, hash oil and other processed cannabis products.
The final day was a time to show off that pipe, bong, bubbler or whatever! We discussed with current and past Gators their preferred devices and how to care for them. An intriguing discussion bubbled up over the pros and cons of glass versus acrylic. Did you know that most of the 2007 Gators are switching to the Bushmaster Liquid Ice Water Bong [bushmaster : XG174RS]?
All in all, it was time and money well spent. I would recommend that anyone that has any interest in Florida Gator Football attend Coach Meyer’s clinic. As a sidenote, Coach told us that the format of this clinic is the format he will use on potential recruits!!! Good job Coach!!
Did you get a taste of the stickiest of the sticky-icky?
No, no can do.
I am surprised that the Gators have not jumped on this
Pretty clever. I knew that the second one of the Gator players got arrested (not to mention quite a few, dammit) that UT fans would be the first to jump all over it and beat it into the ground. Makes sense, seeing as us Gators gave UT hell a couple of years ago when they had their unprecedented streak of 11 arrests in 13 months. So be it.
As a Gator, Urban’s lack of discipline in dealing with makes more than a little concerned. I mean, Zook was horrible when it came to discipline and my hope was that Urban would quickly change that. And after he kicked Marcus Thomas off the team last year, it appeared that he wasn’t going to tolerate stupidity. But the recent string of arrests is unacceptable.
Eh, so what? Got anything original?
No that is it. I guess felony arrests are the norm in Gainesville.
No, it’s not the norm.
It’s hilarious to me that UT fans bash the Gators over arrests when it seems like just yesterday they had 11 arrests in 13 months…………….
Lesson: dumb fucking Gators is that what goes around comes around. It is just yesterday that arrests 11 and 12 took place and Wilson gets charged for weapons. Meyer is arrogant cocksucker and I hope the rest of the arrogant cocksucking florida fans gets to enjoy the SMU penalty
“top 1% of 1%”. Urban said it.
That is what makes it all so fucking funny
What makes it all so funny is that backwoods hillbilly fuckin’ Tennessee set the record with 11 arrests in 13 fuckin’ months! Florida is still nowhere near that record!
No lesson at all, Mike Slive. Do the fuckin’ math and get back to me. Florida has not had 12 arrests in 12 months, Ass-Clown!
It’s plain to see that UT fans couldn’t wait for someone else’s – anybody else’s – players to get arrested and FINALLY get the spotlight off of them and their “program”:
“Whew, Bubba! (spit tobacco) Finally day duhn got some arrests (spit tobacco) down dehr in Flawda so we ain’t all up in da news no mo’! (spit tobacco). You comin’ over to da trailer (spit tobacco) later to watch Hee-Haw when you (spit tobacco) get home from da job site?”
LL
You need to do better. It is like I picture you with a mullet, jorts and a cell phone clipped to your belt.
And yes, 1% of 1% makes it sweeter. Like good weed…or a straight shooting Ak-47
Smokin’ Herb with Coach Herban, Pull my Suburban up to the curb with Coach Herban, Drink some bourbon and shoot my AK I borrowed from Coach Herban. Don’t mess with me when I’m drankin bourbon and smokin’ Herb with Coach Herban on the curb in my Suburban. Ya heard?
Jai:
You say I “need to do better” yet you resort back to “mullets and jorts”? Huhhh???
It’s hilarious how fans of other SEC schools in po-dunk states filled with poor, fat rednecks try to call out Florida fans for mullets and jorts. If they go outside in their own state (I’m talking to you Tennessee, Georgia, Alabama, Mississippi), they would see at least two dozen mullets, jorts, and cell phone clips on their 1/4 mile drive in their 1976 Ford 4×4 with the Rebel Flag in the back window up to the Qwik-E Mart to get themselves another can of Copenhagen.
And besides, what the fuck is there in Tennessee? Nashville??? Pathetic country music “songs” about crying-in-your-beer-achy-breaky-heart bullshit?! Talk about a mullet and jort culture! That’s about it.
Tennessee: Lame ass “music”, rednecks who dress and talk funny, and pathetic football.
Florida: Cubans, drug dealers, old Yankee retirees, people who can’t count (see 2000 election), swamps, and brush fires. Sounds like a great place.
I’d still take home any day over your piece of shit state that has NOTHING to offer except horrible music, rednecks, and bad dental hygiene.
FLORIDA: Beaches, Hot Chicks, Sunshine – nice and sunny 10 months a year, Even More Hot Chicks, Key West.
Of course you would be scared of the swamps in Florida because that’s where Alligators live. No surprise there, douche!
Yeah, because the school I attend hasn’t lost to the Geightors since 1995 I am just in fear of the Geightor Legacy (even though that will end this year).
Nonetheless, have fun dodging bullets from the Tony Montana’s of the world and dealing with the 80 year old bitches from New Jersey who effectively own your state. Remember, Teblow hasn’t proven shit. Herban hasn’t proven shit with his recruits at FLA. UF will have a problem fielding 22 players the way they keep on getting locked up.
This was no where near remotely fan. I am a seminole and I couldn’t even find this amusing.
Chief
Every fanbase has humorless dicks. Glad we found you
Taco Bell Soft Tacos:
You watch waaaaay too many movies, Dude.
Also, you’re right. Our new offense and defense hasn’t proved a damn thing yet because the season hasn’t even fuckin’ started! It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out that UF lost a ton of players. So what? A lot of players graduated or chose to turn pro. Such is life in college football.
Urban changed up his coaching style and won a NC in year two against the nation’s toughest schedule. Only 40% of his offensive game plan has been utilized due to the players and what their strengths and weaknesses were. Now, it’s time to open up the other 60% and see what happens. The defense is a big ?. But Urban can coach and for the past 2 years UF has had the #1 Recruiting class in the Nation. I’m not worried about it at all.
He doesn’t have Zook’s (or as I like to call him, the Architect of UF National Championship) players to carry his ass this season. Herban’s gimmick offense that worked against the WAC, Mtn West, and C-USA schools at Utah won’t work in the SEC. And don’t even try to use the defeat of Big East Champion (haha) Pitt as proof his bullshit works against real schools.
Will Herban give Teblow a Purple Heart after he his killed by an SEC defense this year? My money is LSU is the one who pushes Teblow’s shit in.
If his “gimmick” offense won’t work, how come Saban at Bama and Miles at LSU both hired Offensive Coordinators this offseason to implement the Spread-Option, hmmm? I mean, c’mon, don’t those guys know that it will NEVER work in the SEC?
And don’t put words in my mouth to make yourself feel like you’re winning a debate! Not once have I referenced Utah, the WAC, Pitt, etc.
LSU’s badass defense sure did stop Tebow last year. Remember how on his first play he ran over All-American and #6 overall draft pick LaRon Landry after pushing him back about 10 yards? Or how about all of the times every team knew he was running to the left and STILL couldn’t stop him? Oh wait, no, I know – remember in the NC game against Ohio State when All-American James Lauranitis shut him down? I mean, they were calling his (Lauranitis) name all night………. only it was 9 yards down the field.
Could you be any more dumb? Also, It’s pretty sad when you have to reference a team that’s not your own to hopefully shut down a player you can’t stand. Lame-O.
LL
I thought that Hester scored on the TD right before JaMarcus’ meltdown
Jai – Trust me, a lot of us thought that.
I’ll be the first to tell you that UF got very lucky against LSU. I thought for sure that would be the loss during that 4 game stretch and that we would win at Awbunn. But it didn’t work out that way.