Al Gore’s son was arrested for marijuana possession. Now THAT’S an inconvenient truth [CBS13]. Al immediately made liaison with Florida Football coach and Illegal Narcotics Tactician Herban Meyer for a strategy to defeat the senseless drug charges. Meyer fresh off of exonerating Gator football player Brandon James is flush with “know-how” of beating the the system and ultimately beating the “man”.

Keep in mind what Herban already knows: America (and Florida)  doesn’t send its ‘elite’ to jail. In return for Meyer’s assistance, Gore will run for President so that he can pardon his own son and legalize marijuana. This legalization is linchpin in Meyer’s recruiting strategy and vision for Florida football.

Meyer had this to say, “this legislation is vital to the success of my program, our recruits need to know that they can actively participate in reefer parties without retribution. My job is to recruit and marijuana will help us in recruiting. As my players continue to test positive for this drug I am forced to suspend various key starting personnel. Please keep in mind that these suspensions could hurt my coaching career. These senseless and useless marijuana suspensions almost adversely impacted our team’s championship aspirations last season. These suspensions also deny these courageous football players the opportunity to earn a honest day’s wages for an honest days work at their “jobs”. The second order of effect is these suspensions decrement the standards of living that these heroic players’ girlfriends and their many children have grown accustom.

Meyer’s first move to assist the Gores is to energize the Bull Gator Spin Machine urging that key words always be printed in bold: Al Gore’s son was in jail on suspicion of possessing marijuana and prescription drugs after he was pulled over for allegedly driving a hybrid vehicle 100 mph on an Orange County freeway, a sheriff’s spokesman said. A Prius can go that fast? Well…by driving the Prius, at least he was doing his part for the environment. But 100mph pretty much negates any fuel saving from the hybrid. It seems that Lil Gore took all his dad’s advice about “going green” a little to literally. Going Green!!! That could be Florida Football media cover for this year.

Meyer’s next step in the “playbook” is to engage the White House. Far fetched you say? Maybe Bush will pardon him…stop laughing, it could happen! Meyer has that kind of political power, juice and muscle. Meyer’s next step is assure Gore that most stoners pass the “it doesn’t really impact my life at all” stage and realize how much weed really does slow you down in all sorts of different ways. It really does. It’s silly to pretend otherwise. It won’t adversely impact 40 time….

The final step in Herban’s “playbook” is to learn some street Spanish because right about now he’s going to need to say, “¡No quiero el anosexo, muchas gracias senor!” Since Laguna is the AIDS capital of California ahead of even Frisco maybe he’s not worried. Kind of like that frosted hair home makeover tool belt model Ty Pennington got busted in West Hollywood on a DUI. Busted for drug possession in Orange County. Yeeha, got us junkie Democrat, hanging is too good for one of them. Maybe he should switch magazines. High Gator Times might be hiring.