Newsweek asks: Has ESPN lost it’s soul? Did ESPN ever have a soul? [MSNBC]. If ESPN ever responded to these questions I think this picture would be their response: “Look at my eye, stare deeply into my eye. repeat after me: Like gravy on a biscuit, it’s all good! I’m busting open some white meat! Gonna move some furniture!“

Exactly when did ESPN die? Was it the day that Stuart Scott was hired? Or was it when they ran a split screen segment with two Stuart Scott’s? Or when ESPN bowing to the NFL’s pressure, cancelled Playmakers?

Reader UNC_Samurai challenges any Blogger to create a bracket for the 32 biggest sports atrocities ESPN has imposed on the world. Television extravaganzas like Cold Pizza, Thursday Night Big East Football broadcasting, the ESPYs, ESPN Mobile Phone, and now that douchey “Who’s Now” segment can compete for the right to be called the biggest abortion in sports media coverage. It is sad to watch Kirk Herbstreit trying to decide who is sexier between Derek Jeter or Sidney Crosby. For God’s sake just stop it.

A suggested communique to Bristol

Dear ESPN,

The list below contains the shining rectal warts of your network. It is certainly not inclusive list and it is meant to be a starting point so that you can regain your credibility. Please fire or castrate the following people:

1. Stuart Scott, and any persons associated with that idiotic “Who’s Now?” segment. That includes that computerized Bitching Betty voice; and the dummy that walks through the screens.
2. Kirk Herbstreit, at a minimum, be publically humiliated for his shameless campaign for a rematch of Michigan- in the BCS National Game. That game would have been on the same suck level as the Louisville-Wake Forest Orange Bowl (see #5 below).
3. Whoever made the decision to hire Lou Holtz after you fired Trev. Granny Holtz should wear a drool bib when he talks to contain the spittle. He also needs subtitles when he speaks. He firmly believes that Notre Dame and South Carolina are unbeatable. Just fire his old bony cheating ass be done with it.
4. and of course, the dumb bastard that signed the contract between the Big East and ESPN.

Stuart Scott has become the face of ESPN. A mascot and he represents everything that is evil, stupid and wrong with the network’s direction. He is ultimate triumph of style over substance. Chris Berman opened the floodgates for the personality first, sports second mentality of ESPN personnel, but Stuart Scott made his life’s goal to find out exactly where the nth degree was with the use of the phrases below and the ultimate cherry on top “Who’s Now”. And then there is that awful, lazy, wandering eye. If that eye was an airplane, it would be in a graveyard spiral. Peace out dawg. [Source: Readers comments]

• Cool as the other side of the pillow.
• Can I get a witness from the congregation?
• Gettin’ jiggy with it.
• The Lord said ‘You’ve got to rise UP!’

and then there is Chris Berman so obese and so full of himself. He’s been doing the same shtick since Christ was a Corporal at Heartbreak Ridge. Could you imagine hanging out with someone who has been repeating the same jokes for 30 years? Berman with his tired routine and his Charlie Weis-FUPA manage to make the MLB All Star and the Home Run Derby completely unwatchable. He just is an awful fat sweaty horse. I bet that ESPN has entire stable of fat sweaty horses that serve as Berman clones  that wander around the ESPN “Campus” repeating  stupid catch phrases to one another:

• Back, back, back, back, back.
• It’s a fumble!
• Swami sayz…
• Rumblin’, stumblin’, bumblin’…

Awful, just bloody ass awful…..and it needs to stop