Hot and Hungry: The ACC Previewed, Bitches
Welcome to my ACC house, boys. Don’t bother wiping your feet. I’ll be kicking you out soon.
Here’s a little preview of what’s about to go down in the ACC this season. I’m not going to bother breaking down all of the teams because most of them are going down quicker than a WVU fan at a family reunion. I’m just going to highlight the top Contenders and the bottom Pretenders. And for the jackass out there thinking Why am I reading this? She’s a girl, what does she know? Well you’re right. I don’t know crap so go read ESPN. They’re always right. Asshat.
We’ll start at the bottom.
Pretenders:
Duke
Listen. Even Duke fans are stocking up on moonshine and painkillers. They lost every game last year and are 5-34 for the last three years under coach Roof. And usually when all 11 offensive starters return for the season, it’s a good thing. In this case, they should have sent them to slaughter and started over.
NC State
Pulling Tom O’Brien from BC was a big move, but not enough to make them a contender. At least not this year. Look for lots of running and not much excitement. Also look for Chuck Amato in the parking lot after each loss with a sign screaming “I told you it wasn’t my fault! They just suck!”.
Virginia
Being a Hokie, it’s pretty much against my religion to ever say anything nice about UVA. But I didn’t even have to stretch to put them in the bottom three. They’re a young team with a shaky QB in Sewell. Not to mention their top receiver just had wrist surgery and there’s not much depth in the offense. Their schedule is a bit forgiving, so look for them to win a couple but they won’t come close to being a contender.
Contenders:
Georgia Tech
Va Tech’s biggest rival in the Coastal Division is Georgia Tech. The offense took a hit with the loss of Calvin Johnson and Reggie Ball, but new starting QB Taylor Bennett seems poised to pick up the slack with a myriad of receivers to throw to. The showdown of the year will be when the Yellow Jackets host the Hokies in Atlanta.
Florida State
As much as I hate Florida State, I hate their fans even more. What a bunch of annoying pricks. But with Bobby celebrating his 104th birthday this year and Terry announcing his return to coaching, there will be Bowdens here, Bowdens there, Bowden Bowdens everywhere. The QB situation with Weatherford and Lee is very shaky, but it won’t matter because 80% of their offensive plays will be running.
Which brings me to this year’s ACC Champions, the…
Virginia Tech Hokies
Yeah that’s right. I’m a Hokie. I even hung out with Ookie in college. I never would have predicted his love of dogs though. His love of slutty white co-eds, however? That was obvious. But I digress. This veteran Hokie team had the best defense in the nation last year and with Brandon Ore leading the offensive run, it’s bound to be a productive season of Beamer ball. If QB Sean Glennon can keep from shitting himself, they’re taking the title.
And that’s it folks. I’ll be checking in weekly to bring you the best and worst of the ACC. And I know I’ve pissed off most of you, so I’ll see you in the comments, bitches. [read how Females are ruining sports]
Vote here
what about the tigers?
Well, I have to take issue with your assessment of Virginia’s chances.
I mean, haven’t you heard we also have the worst coach in the ACC? Let’s give the devil his due.
@BlowHard: Who?
LSU
Oh, right. Because I know he didn’t mean Clemson.
The ACC is riddled with the carcasses of Big East Teams that just could not “cut it” . The traitorous teams of BC, VT and the U were able to see that rise of WVU as the true dominant power in the premeire conference in America. They knew that this was not a prosperous proposition for their BCS hopes.
Clearly they would be nothing more than fodder for my Eers.
In fact, Clemson is under the delusional impression that when my Eers go undefeated and defeat LSU or USC for the national championship, then they will lure WVU’s favorite mexican son to Clemson with their “tradition”.
He will do nothing but leverage this unsolicited attention into another pay raise. Besides, his wife, who is a MILF of the hottest hot, will not “approve” any move out of “God’s Country”. Remember, she is the one who disapproved the move to Bama
Listen AngryEer, I’ve watched you spread your ridiculous comments all over this site. But you’re in my sandbox now, so pipe down.
It’s easy to hide behind your cupcake BE schedule and talk trash. You’d never make it in the ACC.
Beamer shits (or sharts depending on how you view that body function) himself at the mere mention of Rich Rodriguez’s name….
BTW, Cats play in sandboxes…they also drop Hokie Deuces in sandboxes
If you didn’t know this, you will now. I consider myself to be married to Eer Football____”Til death do us part”
High 5’s all around
Um, yeah. I’m well aware you consider yourself “married” to Eer football. Or at least “civilly unioned” until they work out that whole same sex marriage issue.
By the way, I always wondered why you guys shortened it to Eer. Is it because you got tired of all of the misspellings on the signs? Because that would make sense.
I just “lit” my couch…little lady
To AngryEEr:
That is funniest thing I’ve read all week. Thanks for the laugh. UM,VT, and BC scared of WVU? Hilarious!
Tongue my balls machete Tongue them early and often
You would enjoy that to much AngryMarriedMySistEer. Geez, you must suffer from little man’s sydrome or something like that. You know, we have therapist for people like you.
Hooty Hoo, fellow Hokie!!! Welcome to the house.
haha VT and Miami being SCARED of wvu. Weren’t u ranked like 3rd last time we beat you down and Marcus saluted you guys?
West Virginia are a bunch of jokers. Nice loss to South Florida last year, idiot.
Yeah we moved to the ACC. Took a lot of political pressure and work.
Don’t hate, appreciate. Maybe someday you can attain that level of prestige.
Na.
Oh man. All of this Hokie love is giving me warm fuzzies. Where’s the FSU fans? Why so quiet?
Give me a fucking Jury trial any day of the week, dog slayers. I would give a nut to be the courtroom sketch artist. I don’t think that they will do Vick’s dredlocks the justice that they deserve
I’m a UVA fan, and I’m an asshole, but those two things are mutually exclusive, believe me(at least in my case, they are). Because, while I’m a fan, I’m also a realist, which is a rare combination in sports. That said, the Hoos are going to suck like an industrial-sized Hoover, in part, because they have zero WR with a modicum of talent, and the QB role is still up in the air. The days of Matt Schaub, Thomas Jones, and the Barber twins are long gone, and I don’t see them getting better any time soon.
As far as VA Tech is concerned, I just can’t find it in my cold black heart to hate on them this year. I’m still not a fan, nor will I ever be, but they get a pass from me this season.
However, Bobbuh Bowden and Felony State can not lose enough games to suit me. I would even go so far as to hope they go 0-11(or 12, however many they play).
I’ve been a Tom O’Brien fan since his days as George Welsh’s O-coordinator, and I think he is capable of pulling NC State out of the shithole that Chuck Amato put them in.
Did you just say Georgia Tech’s offense took a hit by losing Reggie Ball? Probably the best thing to happen to them in 4 years.
FSU fans have been busy on other sites trying to bring the legendary mounties and giants of the game back to reality. It is definitely the little man syndrome.
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