It’s finally here. The first week of college football. I’m sure you got a little taste last night with the LSU-State game, but we are now 24 hours away from the first Saturday of the season. While it hasn’t been a terrible off-season for me, my BasketVols made the Sweet 16, my Red Sox have the best record in baseball, I’ve been anxiously anticipating this day for the past 3 months. The time for tailgating, College Gameday, and Jenn Sterger’s hot rack are finally here.

Before we get to the picks, a little reminder on how this works. I’m picking the games provided by ESPN.com’s Fantasy game College Pick ‘Em. I’ll give you the winner and confidence points of the games they provide.

UCLA v. Stanford- 10 Points
God I hate the Pac-10. If it wasn’t for Southern Cal, the Pac-10 would be the west coast version of C-USA. Just an absolutely pathetic version of football (there is such thing as defense, fellas). The one saving grace of this game is Jim Harbaugh, who absolutely ripped Michigan earlier this summer. Too bad his team sucks…maybe he should try to get some of those “borderline guys”.
Winner: UCLA

Washington State v. Wisconsin- 9 Points
Wisconsin returns 16 starters from a 12-1 team. Washington State plays in the Pac-10…and sucks.
Winner: Wisconsin

Kansas State v. Auburn- 8 Points
Auburn is replacing 4 starters on the offensive line and star running back Kenny Irons. Kansas State has won 17 straight season openers. Upset Alert!!

Yeah, right. K-State’s offensive line is terrible and Auburn’s defense is nasty. I’ll be surprised of the Wildcats find the endzone.
Winner: Auburn

Missouri v. Illinois- 7 Points
(Fill in the blank with your own Ron Zook joke here)
Winner: Missouri

Marshall v. Miami (FL)- 6 Points
The Marshall University Thundering DUI’s head down to the barrio to take on the Hurricanes in the shittiest stadium in America. The only question is if Marshall TE Lee Smith will get drunk and bang his former high school principal before or after the game.

Damn Lee, I hope you were hammered when you hit that.
Winner: Miami

Colorado State v. Colorado- 5 Points
Nothing gets my blood going like a big rivalry between two shitty teams. Colorado State returns 18 starters…from a team that went 4-8. Maybe a Colorado player will run into the stands and rape someone.
Winner: Colorado State

Georgia Tech v. Notre Dame- 4 Points
If Notre Dame goes 4-7 this year are they still BCS eligible? Don’t worry, Irish fan…at least you have this guy at QB…

Yeah…enjoy that.
Winner: Georgia Tech

Arizona v. BYU- 3 Points
Honestly…I know absolutely nothing about these two teams. Arizona has never been good… BYU has that whole Mormon thing going for them…. Yeah, how could I not go with these guys…

Winner: BYU

Oklahoma State v. Georgia- 2 Points
Georgia is replacing 9 starters on defense. That ain’t good when your first test is this explosive OK State offense. Look for former Tennessean and weed toker Adarius Bowman to have a big day. Oh…and Stafford is still fat…

And likes to spoon with doods…

Winner: Oklahoma State

Tennessee v. Cal- 1 Point
Cal found out last year what happens when you play a fast SEC team. You get hit…hard and often. Nate Longshore was curled up into the fetal position by the end of the first quarter. But hey, Cal is handing out 50,000 mini-megaphones to try to replicate an SEC homefield advantage….

Yeah whatever…think Vandy with a faint scent of good weed. Oh…and tree people.
Winner: Tennessee