In week one, our erstwhile cupcakes had a rough go of it, overall. But a blow was struck for confectionary everywhere when the Appalachian State Mountaineers hung around with #5 Michigan and eventually won on a blocked kick, 34-32. It was an amazing game, and I’m late in talking about it, so I won’t say much more about it.

However, that one triumph left our current cupcake standings at 1-22. The other team that had a close one was Arkansas State of the Sun Belt conference, which barely lost to the burnt orange of Texas on a final score of 21-13.

In the “lie down, cupcake, lie down” division, Penn State smoked FIU 59-0, Hawaii beat up on Punter Stab University 63-6, and Oklahoma showed no mercy to North Texas, amassing week one’s largest point total and margin of victory with a 79-10 beatdown that will do nothing to get any of those forfeited wins back. Lighten up, Francis.

This week is chock-full, so we’ll just hit the highlights along the way:

Troy (0-1) @ Florida (1-0): Troy is touring the SEC this year, having already been beat down by Arkansas. They meet Florida this week and Georgia in early November.

UAB (0-1) @ Florida State (0-1): Let the healing begin after Bowden Bowl. FSU has given themselves no other weekends off, so this is probably a good time to rest some players.

Samford (1-0) @ Georgia Tech (1-0): There’s many different kinds of 1-0. Samford struggled to beat Western Alabama, Tech de-freakin’-stroyed Notre Dame. I’m going with the Wreck.

Hawaii (1-0) @ Louisiana Tech (1-0): This is a rare case of a big school traveling to their cupcake opponent’s house. Look sharp, Rainbow Warriors, and remember that Virginia got a woodshedding at Wyoming in week one. I’m going to take the “nice job, retard” mulligan on this one, thanks to commenter bigfootfool. This clearly violates my rules of cupcakedom, in which a conference mate doesn’t count no matter how much they suck.

Kent State (1-0) @ Kentucky (1-0): Kent State beat Iowa State in Ames last week, so this is not a real pushover of a game for the Wildcats.

Middle Tennessee State (0-1) @ Louisville (1-0): Keep an eye on this game and the one above – the Bluegrass state BCS teams play one another on September 15. The Cardinals have the easier game this week, and they’re playing on Thursday, so they’ll have more rest. Advantage, Louisville.

Akron (1-0) @ Ohio State (1-0): The Tour de Ohio continues. Sweater Vest knocked off Youngstown State last week, and is looking forward to Kent State on October 13th.

Oregon State (1-0) @ Cincinnati (1-0): Speaking of Ohio, the Beavers will be loading up on Cincy-style Chili on the road this week. I hope they don’t have to spend halftime on the pooper.

Navy (1-0) @ Rutgers (1-0): The Midshipmen beat up Temple last week, and Rutgers put the hurt on the University at Buffalo. The Scarlet Knights follow this up with Norfolk State at home, and Army is on the schedule in November. Geez. Don’t strain yourselves, fellas.

Southern Miss (1-0) @ Tennessee (0-1): Tennessee is said to be looking into the possibility that trees full of dirty hippies might help them win ballgames.

WVU (1-0) @ Marshall (0-1): Marshall took a 31-3 beating at Miami last week, but something still tells me they could be tough at their place, playing an in-state rival.

Wisconsin (1-0) @ UNLV (1-0): Saturday’s weather forecast for Madison, Wisconsin – 76 degrees and scattered showers. Saturday in Las Vegas – 101 degrees and sunny. Welcome to hell, Badgers. At least it will be 76 degrees at night, and this game is being played at 10pm ET.

UPDATE:

Louisiana-Monroe (0-1) @ Clemson (1-0):  Congratulations, Clemson.  You entered the AP poll at #25 after beating FSU, and are the top team “also receiving votes” in the USA Today.  Your cupcakes are now our cupcakes.

That’s our slate for this week. Maybe we’ll get lucky and be able to add another cupcake win to the tally next Wednesday.