Obviously, the big story this week is the complete floppage of some of our top-25 programs. Generally speaking, they all lost to conference foes, so none of them qualify for a cupcake bashing, but we all know that some teams with BCS aspirations got their asses handed to them by schools that will be lucky to sniff a bowl game most seasons. The BCS Formula is going to get a mighty test (and a lot of hate) if nobody ends the season undefeated, and the whole deal turns into a popularity contest.

Of course, one team that is exempt from the “in-conference” rule is Notre Dame. Because they don’t have one. Every single game they play is eligible for the cupcake rule, and this season, they’ve been so bad that they are the cupcake. So I guess I should just rename this column “Bash Notre Dame Here”. We’ll get to that at the end of today’s slate.

Last week, the non-conference matchups went pretty much true to form. LSU handled Tulane 34-9, Purdue beat up on Notre Dame 33-10, and Cincy stayed strong vs. San Diego State, throttling them 52-23. Some other non-con scores of note: UConn over Akron 44-10, Rice over Southern Miss 31-29, and Virginia over the Pitt Wannstache 44-14.

Obviously, a great many of these match ups have lost their luster at this point. These first three, in particular, are very much in doubt. The cupcake designation is in the balance.

Friday – Utah (2-3) @ Louisville (3-2): Dese Utes are baffling. They’ve beat UCLA and Utah State, but lost to Oregon State, Air Force, and UNLV. Who shows up this time? It may not matter if the Cardinals have to keep suspending players.

Houston (2-2) @ Alabama (3-2): Saban is on a two-game losing streak ever since he shut down SECpoon.com. Karma’s a bitch, ain’t it, Nicky? Have fun with ‘em, Cougars.

Chattanooga (1-3) @ Arkansas (2-2): Now we see the wisdom of scheduling four cupcakes (with Nutts) in Fayetteville (or, in this case, Little Rock). The Razorbacks have thrashed North Texas and Troy, and lost to everyone else. Never fear, Hogs, Florida International is still there at the end of this month, with their sore tushies in the air.

Florida Atlantic (3-2) @ South Florida (4-0): After taking the Mountaineers’ collective manhood from them, the Bulls will most likely come out and even up that lopsided haircut for the Owls, leaving them with a more symmetrical 3-3. Too bad for the Owls, who are actually one of the better teams in the horrible Sun Belt. Which is kind of like being the hottest contestant on The Price is Right.

Eastern Michigan (2-3) @ Michigan (3-2): Eastern Michigan lost to Pitt and the Wannstache to open their season. That is unforgivable. Let us hope that Michigan punishes them for their epic weakness by drubbing the Eagles in the Big House.

Bowling Green (3-1) @ Boston College (5-0): Obviously, this is our reach of the week. BC is top ten, and Bowling Green is the winningest team in the MAC. One caveat: the BG Falcons are scoring 34 per game. Sadly, they are giving up nearly 30. Sounds like BC is going to Pahk the Cah in BG’s Yahd.

and, finally, the main course in your schadenfreude buffet:

Notre Dame (0-5) @ UCLA (4-1): Uckla has that one ugly loss at Utah on their slate, but aside from that, they actually lead the Pac-10 by virtue of having played and won one more in-conference game than anyone else. The game is in the Rose Bowl, so conventional wisdom says that this is not the week that Fat Charlie reverses his fortunes. The only question that remains is – will Touchdown Jesus fire him now, or do the Christian thing and wait until the season is over? For recruiting purposes, I’d be leaning toward now.

Next week, only four scheduled cupcake matchups – unless the top 25 gets re-written again.