Email from a Bammeroid
Here is a very disturbing email that I received the other night from a sick Bammeroid.
Dear Jai
I am a regular reader of your blog. I am also a sportswriter, a Deadspin commenter and an Alabama Alum. I am real sorry that ‘Lil Bear’ spanked UThug so loudly. JPW looked really good. He has the strongest arm in the SEC. He reminds me of the other great Tide QBs with 3 names, like Joe Willie Namath and Freddie Kitchens. Face it, your Viles were powerless to stop JPW and DJ Hall.
Anyway, I wanted you to know that I started masturbating (the first time) during the onside kick and I didn’t stop ’til Coach Saban said “damn” during the halftime interview, when he said that curse word, I “finished”.
Memo to Lincoln Financial: Give me more closeups of Saban’s twazzer!
I see you and all of your other buddies, who all seem to be fans from other SEC schools like the Barn and Florida are using a lot of big fancy words in their comments on the blog. Well excuse me!!! I forgot to bring my thesaurus to my computer. The only word I understood in any of the comments was ‘Ass-poking’. How come this TideDruid person types like a fagaloon? Anyway, here at Bama (RTR) we got 6 or 7 Thesaurus National Championships. The level of envy of you people is staggering.
I don’t get it. Sometimes I think you fellas are talking about football. But it usually turns out that you’re just talking about how Bear and Bama made the SEC!! Since when is saying that Bama Cheats a prelude to banging?
SO Jai and all of your buddies: Easy on the smart. Most of us can’t keep up with you.
Back to the game, I was watching DJ Hall running free in the Vile secondary was something that I understood and it made me laugh. When they showed Snake and Joe Willie filthy drunk in the pressbox, I tried to french kiss my own genitals. It’s like a reflex, so Lincoln, can you show more of those Bama Greats and maybe even Tyler Watts too!! But for the love of God, keep that fat-ass Freddie Kitchens off of the screen. Ix-nay on the e-buffet-slayer! Lincoln Financial? Keep it classy. Classy and traditional like houndstooth + Coach Saban= NC #13!!
The second half was bloody, gritty and full of surprises. I am talking about the crotch and taint areas of my underwear, but it applies to the Vile Defense, also.
Does anyone ever wonder why we never see Les Miles twazzer on TV? Or Ed Orgeron’s? I’ve seen Orgeron’s in person. FYI. It looks like a extinguished cigarette in a cup of coffee with paprika sprinkled on it.
Here’s your new slogan for your Blog, you bunch of fancy astronauts Vile smartasses: Saban’s twazzer is clearly superior.
thanks for reading this:
The Crimson Periodical Chopper
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fagaloon? That’s a new one. Does this make me a crazier version of Roy Adams?
Wow, that was disturbing.
Yes it is. I think I know who it is too. I have a groupie
You know, I never knew that 13-year-olds from Maryville wrote this blog.
Oh, wait, yes I did. Keep up the obsession, limp dicks.
@4, you are one angry Bammer. It is not our fault that most people think of Bammers as the AQ of football.
People like you with your delusions and paranoia make such easy targets. See you soon, bitch