[LWS is proud to present the 8th installment of Tennessee star Kenny O'Neal's football journal, recorded weekly. Kenny is a junior wide receiver for the Vols and was a five-star prospect coming out of junior college. Over the past few weeks, Kenny has detailed his experiences adjusting to a new school and to big time college football. This week, Kenny tells us about the team's preparation for Tennessee's biggest rival - Alabama.]

Monday:

7 am: I get out of bed and put my skullcap on. Monday is my day to wear my blue skullcap. Troop [Taylor, WR Coach - editor's note] say it makes me look fast. I kick Marquwita out of my apartment cuz I dont want her stank ass hair on my pillow.

11:00 am: Class in somethin.

12:00 pm: Team lunch. Today I don’t want no food because Chief [John Chavis - D. Coordinator] eat all the crab cake and that is all I want to eat. Fat muthafucker.

4:00 pm: Practice. EA [Erik Ainge - QB] is working with Lucas [Taylor - WR] and CrackaAss [Austin Rogers - WR]. I never get to work with them. I asked Coach Cut [Cutcliffe - O. Coordinator] why one time and he tell me that I didn’t know “the dynamics of how to adjust in space when confronted with soft zone coverage.” I never know what the fuck that guy sayin, but I’m faster than Austin’s white ass, thats for sure. When that goofy ass bitch [Ainge] gonna throw me the ball?

So Screech [Kurt Roper - RB coach and Assistant OC] pull me aside and tell me that I was gonna run “a really secret play” this week and that “it’s just our secret” and that I “have to remember never to tell anyone”. Screech creeps me the fuck out. He talk at me like I’m 10 and he looks at my pants the whole time. I don’t know what he mean, but I do know that me and Professor Murder [Nevin McKenzie - junior safety] wanna kick his honky ass.

Anyway, I just practice the same fuckin reverse I been running since I got on campus.  I have literally practiced this reverse at least 500 times, and I only screw up like half the time.  I guess that was the secret play.  I swear these dumbass hicks dont even remember we already tried this shit five times and it dont work.

8 pm: Moesha on.

Tuesday:

7 am: DeLaQuandra needs to get the fuck outta my fuckin dorm room, bitch stank.

12 pm: Gotta test in somethin but that cracka that always be in the player lounge [Casey Woods - Holder] already give me the answers.

4 pm: Practice. I work with the scouts today against the first team DB’s. Cosby [Larry Slade - DB Coach] is yellin at the corners and safeties about playing too tight and tellin em to relax and treat the opposing WR like a girl you wanna make love to. Thats some weird shit there. In drills, I was supposed to line up across from Veal Marsala [Marsalous Johnson - senior DB] and just run ten yards up and turn around. I had a little trouble with that at first, but I eventually got it down. I don’t know what they was practicing, but Slade was yellin about how “it’s third and 14 boys,” how they got to “know where the first down marker is at all times” and how to always “remember to stay way behind the first down line” and how they have got to make sure to “back the fuck up off your opponent on third down and give him his personal space”. When he said “go” all the DB’s basically ran 20 yards backwards and left us wide open. Hef [John Hefney - All-American Safety] tripped on the play. I thought they all fucked up but Slade was slappin they ass and tellin em “that’s Tennessee football damnit” and “Marshall betta not bring that shit in our house”. And we aint even playin them this year I don’t think.

9 pm: Everybody Love Raymond. That cracka crazy as hell.

Wednesday:

7 am: Chlamydia-Champagne smell like she shat in her thong. Get the fuck out.

12 pm: Military Science. Muthafucker teaching this look like Steve Erkel.

4 pm: Fulmer does somethin for the news cameras. He tells us to pad up and all look focused and to slap each other’s heads and shit. So the news show up and turn the cameras on and we all jump around and yell and Phil climbs his fat ass up on a chair and tells us “this is Alabama week gentlemen, and you know what that means to me, the University and our fans” and some other shit about this General who fought a bear or somethin. When the camera guys leave he cancels practice and tells us he better not hear anymore about none of us [LaMarcus Coker - RB] stealing crutches from the training room to make bongs.

Thursday:

7 am: I leave Troop a text that say “I am sick” and me and Joko [Jakouri Williams - position still undetermined] go to Dollywood Splash Country up in the mountains. It’s some waterpark where all these fat cracka rednecks slide down water slides and eat all this shit and throw up in these pools. Shit is hilarious.

Friday:

7 am: Todd needs to get out, but he smell ok.

12 pm: Team meeting. We go over what the coaches call “last minute review” of shit we was supposed to learn in the last week. Shit like “be in the hotel by curfew or make sure to sneak through the hotel kitchen so the media dont see you” and that bitches “aint allowed in the locker room at half-time.” It was all the usual shit, but then SpongeBob [Mike Hamilton - Athletic Director] walk in and all the coaches get all weird and start talking about game Maxims and representing the University. I am representin UT - see my orange skullcap bitch?! And I think Maxims is that cracka from the movie Gladiator, and he a bad muthafucker. So that makes sense.

1 pm: “Ah yeah, hush that fuss / everybody move to the back of the bus” - we on the bus to Alabama bitch!

11 pm: Troop called my cell and asked where I at. I tell him “I’m at the fuckin tittie bar like I told you I was.” He say he was just making sure that Boss Hogg [Dan Brooks - DL Coach] was still there with us. I said “if by still here you mean tryin to put a bottle of Coors in some bitch’s birth canal, then yes, he still here.” Troop thought that was some funny shit. EA tried to give me a high five - dumbass cracka.

3 am: I steal some of Montel’s [Montario Hardesty - RB] GHB and hit the sack.

Gameday:

1:15 pm: I’m texting Fermanatoquia - now that bitch smell nice. I think it’s the 3rd quarter. Chavis already sent one of them girls to the locker room to get his scotch, so I think we losing. Screech comes and sits next to me and grabs my knee and says “Kenneth, it’s time to reveal that secret that we’ve talked about.” He kinda leans over and adjusts his nerdy glasses and I get the fuck outta there. As I’m running on the field, I hear some Bama fans yelling “Reverse! Reverse!” I mean goddamn, if that fat toothless idiot sitting behind me on the bench knows the play, then it’s about as secret as the fact that Mapu [JT Mapu - Defensive Tackle and Mormon] likes golden showers from fat bitches.

1:16 pm: Hey, guess what? Muthafuckin play didn’t work. Loss of six - nice work coach. Why don’t you just throw the ball at my nuts next time? Screech tells me we can “delve into my feelings” about the busted play later. Troop gives me a chest-bump. We all sick of his chest-bumps - he gives them for everything. I swear to God he gave me a chest-bump when I finished all my broccoli last week. I go sit on the bench and play PSP.

10:00 pm: We back in Knoxville. Coaches gave us two days off because nobody got arrested. Fulmer seemed pissed on the way home, talking to Chief about how he shoulda never gave Haslam that money. I dont know who that is, maybe he a bookie.

We lost pretty bad to Bama, but they aint even in our conference so it aint a big deal. We just need to take care of business and beat Lafayette and make a bowl game, cuz we still control our own destination in the Pac-10. That’s what Opie [Ryan Karl - slow-ass LB] said anyway. I wouldnt know. I just want my blue skullcap back from Asshat [Daniel Lincoln, K] because he got some nasty ass hair grease.

[Look for Kenny's contributions every week on LWS]