The Taco Bell BCS Championship Game Preview
If you disagree with this, you are wrong and can die.
QB: Doesn’t matter who LSU starts, OSU won’t be able to stop them. OSU couldn’t stop a CFL reject and some Freshman last year, so a dual threat in from LSU will mind fuck Tressel into flashbacks from that 41-14 ass beating.
RB: LSU has tremendous depth at RB, and they have the edge. Also they have a beast in a FB with Hester who can play tailback as well. Everyone is talking about Failboat RB Beanie Wells, but Tosu’s fastest player is 3rd string RB Brandon Saine who ran an Ohio state record 10.38 100m dash in HS. One of LSU’s plethora of RB’s is Trindon Holliday. Holiday set a school record 10.02 in the 100m dash (LSU is a historically dominant team in track, trust me on this, so a school record is saying a lot). SEC speed kills, bitches.
WR: Early Doucet gives the Tigaz this category. If Les Miles was smart (haha, WTF am I talking about) he would line Doucet in the slot to force an outside backer to cover him. Easy 6, or at least it would draw a double team from the SS or FS to open up the other WRs like Lafell or Byrd who are pretty damn good too.
OL: You don’t know these LSU guys name because these doodz are good. Herman Johnson and Ciron Black were all-SEC selections. Last season ND’s D-line outweighed LSU’s OL by an average of 29 lbs. We all saw how that worked out for the Irish. Speed kills, even from the big guys.
DL: Glenn Dorsey. I don’t give a shit if OSU has five Kyle Turleys on the other side of the ball. Glenn Dorsey, you got to double or triple team him every time, and even if you can accomplish that there is someone else who can come free to put pressure on Tosu’s QB Todd Baeiouckman.
LB: I thought about this one for a while… James Laurinaitis is good, but Ali Highsmith and company are better. I am so happy Highsmith is gone after this season. It seems like he has been at LSU longer than Jerrell Powe has been trying to read.
DB: LSU’s top two CBs are shutdown guys, and LSU SS Craig Steltz had sex with your girlfriend. The only way to throw on this team when they have the 4-3 on the field is to go trips to one side and make Highsmith cover one-on-one, or have an All-Universe RB with a badass ride throw against the D. Tosu doesn’t have that.
The Achilles Heel of this unit is their backup CB Jai Eugene (not the guy who runs this blog, another dood). If Zenon or Chevis Jackson get knocked out for a play or two, or if they bring Eugene on the field in a Nickle or Dime package, expect the Failboats to throw at this waste.
ST: K Colt David and P Patrick Fisher are both all-SEC. Les Miles’ antics with the fake FG vs. South Carolina will force Tressel to play it safe on LSU FG trys. LSU hasn’t had a kick of any kind blocked this season and that includes a game against ESPN-proclaimed Special Teams Gods,Virginia Tech.
Coaching: People try to act like Tressel is a good coach but he got lucky against Miami in 2002 and benefits from playing in a weak ass conference. He got away from the run early last year against Florida and it cost the Failboats the game. But Les Miles sucks. There are intramural flag-football coaches at every school in the SEC (except Ole Miss) that are better than Les Miles. That being said, the only reason Ohio State wins this game is because of the Sweater Vest out-coaching Miles. Sweater Vest doesn’t have to out-coach the Hat, just let Miles fuck it up on his own.
Vote here
For all the Gator-haters… remember that 1yr ago, UF opened up a tanker of whoop ass and represented the SEC proper like. Yeah, I know.. we embarrassingly lost to Michigan this year.
Anyway.. Let us hope that LSU follows suit and crushes the Failboats. Go Tig.. Nope. I can’t bring myself to say it. Maybe think it, but that’s it..
Geaux Tigers!!!
The best thing I learned this year is to not have any “SEC pride” during bowl season. All year I have to cheer against a team and now I have to root for them? Nope. I made my mistake last year.
I pulled for UF to beat OSU last season and they rack up more criminal charges than a good ol’ Seattle hippy WTO protest riot all with Starbucks looting. I pulled for UF and realized I had pulled for criminals and a couple of good kids.
I should’ve not pulled for anyone last year and that’s what I’m doing this year. LSU and OSU are equally boring. LSU has a defense that can be beastly at times and will be with a full-speed Ken Dorsey. I won’t watch all of the game. I’ll watch the first half and catch the rest online tomorrow morning.
I might have pulled for LSU if Coach Les “Steve Martin” Miles wasn’t their leader, but he is. All with the tallest hat in college football.
I wouldn’t mind seeing OSU win just to further show how jacked up the BCS is. I think an OSU victory will at least get us the “Plus 1″ quicker. The sooner the “plus 1″, the sooner we get a playoff.
LSU wins 24-13.
I see your point on not pulling for a particular conference, but if you are looking for BCS chaos you should be pulling for LSU. Having a handful of 2 loss teams and two one loss teams in the final top 15 and ruling crowning one of them champion over the others would throw fuel on the BCS fire.
what’s with the Les Miles hate? He puts his faith in his players–particularly his seniors who have been through a shitload of drama–and is 33-6 in his three seasons. so he wears his hat high–so what? you want him to have bangs and a butt-cutt a la Richt? or be obese like Fulmer? or look like George “Urban Meyer” Jetson? or throw a tennis visor around like the ol ball sack?
give the man a break. at least he is not wearing that brittney spears-esque headset he wore in his first few games as coach.
@4
Yeah, you’re right. A 2-loss team winning the BCS title is more jacked up.
Yep, I’m pulling for LSU.
@5
You know how I know you’re gay?
You comment on the hair and fashion styles of several other men.
Yeah, I know, I did it too.
@6
Way to go with the ad hominem approach. You stay classy.
This blog is nothing but class
Taco, as far as your analysis, I think the main thing this game hinges on is what kind of night Flynn has. I also hope Perrilloux has stayed out of Harrah’s this past week, so that he is not in Miles’ doghouse and will be put in the game from time to time. I too would give the coaching nod to Tressel, but I think if you’ve got above average talent, you don’t necessarily have to be a great coach to win (see: Houston Nutt at Arkansas, last ten years).
Fear the Hat!! Les sometimes behaves as though he has lost it, but the guy is genuinely having fun…look at the interviews over the past few days. Miles is clearly enjoying himself and wants his guys enjoy the ride as well. Tressell looks constipated.
artiger, I agree that the outcome of the game depends on QB play from both sides. I don’t see either team’s QBs having great games, but LSU’s D will make Baeiouyckman have a shittier game than Flynn or The Gamblin’ Man.
Miles is LSU’s weakest link, but there is too much of a talent gap for that to matter.
@10 I think I heard on ESPN (EasternSportsPussyNetwork) last night that Miles thought the team was too “up”, and wanted to tone it down a bit, so he had them see a movie yesterday. The choice? “300″
WTF, Les?
300? Jesus Christ, have these dudes been on speed for the past week or something?
@7
It’s been a while since hominem made a solo record. Where is the real slim shady?
Who needs to win this game more, Coach Sweater Vest or The Hat?
The Vest has last year’s blemish and The Hat’s strategery has been in doubt for a few seasons. I think even Coach Og could lead this LSU team to a BCS championship bowl game.
It’s weird that the BCS title game features quarterbacks with names no one will remember in 3 years.
In 5 seconds, name the Ohio State quarterback who won the BCS title in 2002.
Chris Kringle or Craig Collins or something like that. I hear he’s selling insurance now. No one caught my ironic “Ken Dorsey” slip in post #3. I meant “Glenn” the beast, not “Ken” the Brown practice squader.
It wasn’t Craig Krenzel (sp?) was it?
This is going to be a beatdown of Bibical proportions
@14 & 15
Krenzel is correct, who now is Suckeye radio commentator (had to look it up).
Anyone who said Krenzel cheated with google. No one could recall that name in 5 seconds. I even asked an OSU fan in the office.
Miles and LSU will let this game stay stupidly close. So close in fact that OSU is going to win, so long as they’re spotted 10 points before kickoff.
“Tressell looks constipated.”
From the anal rape of last years title game, courtesy of the Gates. Surgery couldn’t cure that poor bastard, he’ll look like that for the rest of his life!
The anticipation is killing me!!!
Did not cheat. I remember Craig Krenzel.
@21
You know how I know your gay?
You remembered Craig Krenzel. Only people with a Craig Krenzel man-crush would remember Craig Krenzel.
Seriously, I remembered, but it took me a second. Not like, “who quarterbacked the 2006 Longhorns BCS title team or USC’s 2005 BCS title team?”.
Those are easy. Chris Simms and Carson Palmer.
True. Your “Chris Cringle” and “Craig Collins” hints put me in the right directory to remember his name.
I was so much fucking money on this assessment. I need to quit my day job and work for CSTV or something.
@22 For 2006, did you mean Vince Young? And Leinart for 2005? Is this another test?
@24 Congrats, Taco. I think Miles even did an OK job on this one. I told a friend this afternoon that I thought we’d win by 10, maybe 14 if we didn’t make any dumb mistakes. Flynn had one pic, they actually had more in the penalty department, and the game really wasn’t even as close as the score indicated (at least after we spotted them 10 in the first quarter). Lots of people wanted to be in our spot tonight, but I think we deserved to be there as much as anyone else. It wasn’t a 27 point beatdown, but at least we did the SEC proud.
It was complete domination of the failboats. Congrats, artiger
Maybe I could work for the Big 10 Network. I can fucking dissect Big 10 teams.
Thom(Why?) Brenneman is a dumb sack of shit.
@25
DING! DING! DING!
Can’t get anything by artiger!!!! You have been awarded 2 Shrute bucks for your efforts.
http://www.tobyhilden.com/schrute_buck.html
First the BCS, now the Shrute bucks. Man, I’m having a good week, and it’s only Tuesday.