Remember SEC Foes: If Crompton had had half a running game and a defense to work with, he could have won both the LSU and Arkansas games. Beware the ruff tuff Mountain Warrior, Poet, Lover and Prince Warrior who happens to ride the pale horse, For he is death, And hell rides with him….Jon Crompton is a WMD.
(click to enlarge)
Erik Ainge is finally gone. As spring practice begins today, Jon Crompton ascends the throne as the heir apparent starting QB for THE University of Tennessee.
So just who is Jon Crompton?
Jon Crompton is a strong QB, a gifted QB. Charmingly charismatic, unfailingly noble, unerringly crafty. He is the kind of guy that women want and men want to be. He’s respected. He’s unmatched as a beautiful, beautiful man, perfect in every way. I wish I could be him. I wish that he had cleft chin so I could live inside of this cleft forever, subsisting on nothing but his razor stubble, dried aftershave and the saliva of soft, buxom, lily fresh, wholesome mountain girls.
Simply put: He’s the envy of every Vol fan in the Big Orange Nation; he has a huge warrior heart, indomitable spirit, the big guns, and most importantly, the support of the Cromptonites.
The Cromptonites. Oh the guile, the stealth, the mastery of machination of all of the traits that embody a madness that would willingly perform a Jeff Gillooly on any other competing quarterbacks. All the while the Cromptonites continue contructing a shadowy realm of terror.
Cromptonites operate in a shadowland that encompasses the Big Orange Nation. Yet its creator would remain anonymous, never glimpsed, never sighted, never recognized. Like the dark side of the moon. Deft and agile, the Cromptonite always does it best to remain out of direct confrontation and instead focus on cunning and subterfuge.
Will this blog post make me a marked man at the Spring Game??
How? Remember Erik Ainge’s shoulder, knee and finger “injuries”? Cromptonites use discredit by association requiring a denial to flourish; in other words: Depositing Misinformation. Who would even dare to oppose the Cromptonites now?
Are Cromptonites capable of such vile enormities of creating “injuries”? My very soul rebels at the possibility. Yet I can not rule it out. They do what they do for the “good of the program”.
All other pretenders to Tennessee’s QB pale in their wake. Their hearts are still way smaller than Jon Crompton’s courageous heart, which is earnest of nature, bold of spirit, keen and clear of intellect, chock full of bravery, fierceness, roaring with agony and rage and an undeniable will to win.
Most Vols recline in a fugue-like state, images and information and uncertainties churn through through their simple minds like fresh sweet buttermilk that could be aggressively and vigorously massaged into the young Crompton’s sore achey brakey manly hamstrings. They do what they do for the “good of the program”.
Thank God the Warrior Prince is now ascending to his rightful place on the throne. While Tennessee football has appeared to languish since the 1998 national Championship. I feel certain that Crompton will create a haven of prospertity, nourished by this sweet buttermilk and buttermilk massages that will return my beloved (and sometimes hapless) Vols to Glory!!
The youtube video is mesmerizing. Pow!!
Hey Jai:
Ask your buddy Lloyd Braun what happened at the 2006 Orange And White game for making similar such comments.
Back Off!
The Hitman
@3 Bam!?
Wasn’t Crompton’s Dad trying to fight Braun at a tailgate?
Buttermilk cures sore hamstrings?
You know where Crompton really excels? Throwing picks to freshmen cornerbacks. Thank God he’ll be under center full time this year, since Ainge wanted to be stingy and show that he could do it too last year, and to the same guy (Kareem Jackson, get used to hearing about him)!
Did Kareem Jackson play well in Shreveport? Was that game even on TV?
Answer this question with care, or I will ban you from the internet.
I read that shit and lost my lunch.
I am picking up on sarcasm in this post. Watch your back Jai
Shreveport or bust Kareem Abdul-Jabar
Crompton–he did pretty well in knoxvul against us Corndogs when he filled in for Ainge (who sprained his vagina or something) but he din’t get the job done. Thank you, JaMarcus.
Pray Nick Saban, pray. The ruff tuff Mountain Warrior, Poet, Lover and Prince Warrior who happens to ride the pale horse, For he is death, And hell rides with him….Jon Crompton is a WMD.
Consider yourself on notice
This article, 100 shades of awesome.
graves
if you had any kinda of balls, you would post this on The GQ
graves
Post this on the GQ, and I will ban your ass from college.
I own the world.
Do a keg stand on my balls you little insecure dope smoking dick fiend
Who loves buttermilk?
Jai, I will ban your ass from your own site if you keep this shit up.
By the way, i am a great looking guy with tons of friends.
Rob? Do you like buttermilk?
You will pay dearly for your lack of vision.
What the hell happened here? I get on to talk some smack, and these new people are taking the thread off into crazyland.
Bama cheats
I will ban you for no reason SSOA.
I am a cool person. Say it or I will fucking ban you.
I own Volquest, Brent Hubbs, and the internet.
you are like Aqua Velva, Cheetos and a discarded packet of ketchup.
Rob is full of shit to say the least, who does he think he is, Al Gore?
Thank you, Ears. Auburn is the crusty stuff that builds up on the taint of a hippie following Phish around. Tennessee is my not-yet-wiped asshole after a day eating fried chicken, Mexican food, corn, and chips cooked in Olestra.
Let’s get back to the hate and away from nonsensical trolls!
Pretty Girls in Alabama are also known as “Tourists”
Rob Lewis, I’ll expect a glowing preview of my season or you’ll be in line for a Cleveland steamer on your face after a session at the Golden Corral mega bar.
SSOA is your family still weaving sweaters from their backhair and selling them at the flea market? Or has the inbreeding turned the hair a shade nobody wants to buy?
Article, posted.
Threat level: Orange
Hilarious…
without question, this spring will be a precious thing to watch on the GQ
Spirals will be thrown. Asses will be kicked. If anyone needs me, I’ll be buying some easy rip shirts and shotgunning Capri Suns with my bros later on.
What is going on over here? I saw this linked from the GQ.
Cromptonite?
Please explain.
Cromptonite is a term used to define the fanatical and tiny band of Crompton supporters who tried their hardest to coerce Ainge to transfer after the disastrous 2005 season.
It is a documented fact that one of the head Cromptonites wanted to fight Lloyd Braun at the 2006 Orange and White game because of Lloyd’s unwaivering and heroic defense of Erik Ainge in the face of hostile and vitriolic criticism.
me or Dick Sargent??
Being a Cromptonite has it’s advantages Knob. When you swear total allegiance to me you not only join an exclusive club, you are sent some dried skin from my throwing hand as well as an auotgrpahed (stamped) 8X10 glossy suitable for framing and taking with you everywhere you go.
Why the hell would a Tennessee fan defend Erik “I wear earrings, Air Jordans, and flat-brimmed sideways baseball hats because I’m a badass mofo from Oregon” Ainge? He was roughly the equivalent of Casey Clausen without Casey’s toughness, and he was nowhere near Peyton Manning. He wasn’t even close to being Tee Martin. If I were a Tennessee fan, I’d be a Cromptonite, too.
Tom,
You make my specials places warm.
@39 Ole Miss football is a black hole that swallows up hopes, dreams and coaches. Hotty Toddy
Ruff AND Tuff
Perfect combination
Graves,
Ruff N Tuff.
Get it straight.
This is your final warning.
Crompton’s Proxy,
I brought no less than 300 new readers to this blog with my antics on the GQ. I braved such no-nonsense mods as Bob Flewis and LWSvawl. In due time, you will have to ask me to join this team. For now, I will get paid to write for another blog, and most likely outdraw everyone here.
Peace biotches….
Jai was looking for help. I remember reading it on here. Gonna join the Swindle Team until then??
If I was privy to stealing others work I’d get on over to that Swindle Nation.
Another entity in the blogging world has seen my work on The Quarters and contacted me. They will remain nameless until I have made my decision. I may not be the right person for the job. They may want legitimate writing which I am not willing to do.
My awesomeness preceeds me. My journalistic depth is limited.
as is this blog’s. There is not a finer Tennessee blog than this one, unless you desire ti wash Swindle;s balls ala Rocky Top Talk
Graves,
I will motherfucking ban your ass on principles alone.
I know you are going to write for Outermonvolia
Buttermilk and aqua velva
@39 Ainge could throw a spiral, Jon Crompton has the passing touch of a circumcised javelina in boxing gloves.
@50 check the video, Corndog
@ 41 When has Ole Miss had a coach?
@50 The one of Crompton at the Manning Passing Academy?
zigzag. Prepare for retribution.
Until then, know this I came here to do two things. Drink Capri Suns and kick ass.
Looks like I’m about out of Capri Sun.
Doesn’t bode well for you Champ.
Crompton is a pussy, he’s not even a quarter of the man JPW is.
JPW has some sweet hair and a cannon for an arm. Solid comment Bammer
JPW shines my shoes and fetches my drinks son.
JPW cups the sac of balls that is Jon Crompton
John Parker Wilson + Jon Crompton = Danny Noriega
Danny Noriega + JPW + Sanjaya=??
K. D. Lang