Just like in football, you suck…epically

“I will sweep away everything in Charlotte,” says Bruce Pearl. “I will sweep away both people and animals alike. Even the birds of the air and the fish in the sea and the Louisville Cardinals and all they hold dear will die. I will reduce the wicked to heaps of rubble, along with the rest of humanity,” says Bruce Pearl. “I will crush Brando, Verne, Gottlieb and Vitale like an angry fist of God and destroy every last trace of their Louisville Cardinal worship. I will put an end to all the idolatrous priests, chief among them Digger Phelps and Billy Packer, so that even the memory of them will disappear. For they go up to their roofs and bow to the sun, moon, and stars, and headily and wolfishly inhale the redolent contents of the jockstraps of David Godbold, frosh Blake Griffin, and any of their versions of a player named “Smith”.

Pitino has revealed himself to be a traitor to all things Kentucky, by starting 5 players that are NOT from Kentucky. Yo ‘Tino: The Bruce is in the Sweet Sixteen, and you are wearing makeup. How do you like Bruce Pearl now, ‘Tino?

And individually and collectively, they claim to follow NCAA rules, but then they worship Louisville, too. So now I will destroy them!

And I, Tyler, Big Game Lofton, Jordan Howell, Ramar, and Prince, will destroy those who used to worship me but now no longer do. They no longer ask for Bruce’s guidance or seek my blessings. Soon the city will be an empty shambles, stripped of its wealth. Hearts melt in horror, and knees shake. The people stand aghast, their faces pale and trembling.