The Vagina Monologues: Remember, It’s for the good of the Program April 23, 2008
Posted by Jai Eugene in SEC Football.trackback
This is the final installment on Outermonvolia, a Social Experiment gone terribly awry. So shocking are the Monvolians, that even Bammeroids are repulsed. This collection of abortions only on validates why incest is considered taboo.
Above, an OM’r performs the sacred rite of Self-Flagellation, the act of whipping the human body.It is a mix between sadistic masochism bipolar schizophrenia and having an addiction to something.
[Island of Misfit Toys]
[You better come harder than that, Bitch]
Is incest natural? Yup, at the OM it is. Look at Charles II of Spain (new window). The Spanish Habsburgs engaged in inbreeding, marrying first cousins or marrying nieces to uncles. Charles was mentally retarded and his jaw was so deformed that he couldn’t chew. So does that explain why the Outermonvolians are nasty dill weeds?
An actual quote from flaming BrotherVoliver2, on being the “ultimate fan”
:
Read this quote from an unknown OM Groupie:
Can you believe the best BB team we ever has loses to Kentucky, Vanderbilt and Arkansas while if only one of their worthless ass football teams could have beat us we would probably be rid of Flummo now.
I wonder what these fellas will do if and when Fulmer moves on? Who will they hate?
The list below was received this by email (HT GunterVol) over the weekend. It is the sacred membership oath for Outermonvolia. My favorite is #4. I always feel like I need double dose of eye bleach when I lurk over there. And you better believe that they stick to these rules. 9 is the last count that they had banned or placed on a post count. Free Speech is Amazing , Ya dick string…
I,, as an upstanding member of OM community hereby promise to uphold the following:
1. Criticize Phillup Fulmer - both on and off the field.
2. Seize any and every opportunity to take personal shots at him, his staff and his family.
3. Make fun of UT players when they use bad judgement, get in trouble or especially when they get kicked off the team. (see .47 Colquitt jersey fark as an example).
4. Always root for UT to lose, especially in the rival games (for the good of the program).
5. Take every opportunity to attack anyone that says something positive about Phillip Fulmer or the UT football program. Vulgar references and other insults to aforementioned individuals (aka sheep) are encouraged.
6. Do not allow any group of UT fans have an optimistic conversation about the program. Interrupt the conversation immediately and make it about Fulmer. Be sure and remind them of how stupid they are and how smart you are.
7. Use charts, newspaper articles, rumors, etc. to drive home how imcompetent Fulmer has become. (If necessary make shit up).
8. When things are slow, insult each other.
9. Reference threads from other places and slam the participants if their views don’t fit your mold.
10. Be sure to hold Mike Hamilton in the same regard as coach Fulmer.
11. Insult player’s parents if their views or behavior are not up to your standards. Hey - if they don’t want to read crap about themselves or their kids, they shouldn’t be on a message board.
12. If sheep (SHEEP ALERT, SHEEP ALERT!!!) come to OM with opposing views, ban their asses or at least put post count limits on them. After their posts are limited, be sure to reinforce how stupid they are (hey they can’t respond, so piss on ‘em) This encourages freedom of (allowed) speech.
13. Treat rival fans with more respect than you do Fulmer supporters.
Promise to do these things daily.
After all, it’s for the good of the program.
The hostilities have escalated. Don’t waste time asking congress for a declaration. Mass your armies on the border an invade. Worry about the consequences later.
Sounds like a great plan.
Exerpts from the BV2 response to Gunt da Cunts idiocy.
I will never be critical of Coach Fulmer regardless of our record/length of time without a championship of any kind. Instead, I will do everything within my power to deflect blame from him and try to make it appear to be someone else’s fault.
Even if I have an MBA/PhD and an IQ of 130 or above, I will lose all ability to reason and utilize logical analysis when it comes to Coach Fulmer and orate that he is the best man for the job and that nobody else would be able to come in and do as well as he has/continues to do. And for some reason that I cannot explain, I will truly believe this.
I will verbally attack anyone on the board (repeatedly) who has an opinion or viewpoint that differs from mine even though I have nothing to back up my own opinion other than hope/want/gut feeling. I will remind them that Coach Fulmer is the only one who is really qualified to be making decisions regarding the program.
I will always believe that we were “a few plays away” from being undefeated in any season and bring that up in the event I am getting my ass handed to me in a thread by one of the LOM’s who is backing his viewpoint up with factual analysis.
Even though I am very good with numbers and manipulating Excel, anytime that someone posts a spreadsheet or the contents of a spreadsheet that shows the obvious decline of the program - I will act as if I don’t understand the data and refute it because it goes against my (misguided) perception of the program.
When I am again getting my ass handed to me in a debate with a member of the LOM’s, I will pull out the old “we were SECE Champs/Went to Atlanta” statement because I have nothing logical or factual that I can come up with to support my viewpoint.
I will post at least three times per hour that negative posts or threads hurt recruiting, even though I cannot name you a single player that we lost/hurt us later who didn’t sign with the Vols because of something negative they read on a fan-based/unofficial UT website.
I will occasionally show how stupid that I am by arguing with one of the LOM’s about their outlook of the program, only to start a thread 1 hour later asking “Is Ainge a junior or a senior this year?” proving to any LOM that I am indeed – clueless about the program!
I will pay ZERO attention to what is happening with the team’s of our SEC rivals and post stuff like “Georgia won’t be that good this year. Did they lose David Greene?” And then I’ll come back with some thesis about why the Vols will be good and anyone with ¼ of a brain can read it and see that it’s all emotion and something that I hope/want to happen.
I will sincerely think that the Vols are back on the right track simply based on the 2006 and 2007 Georgia games. I will ignore every other “big” game as if it never happened.
Even though Florida beat us by 39 points in 2007, I will be so blind that I sincerely think the Vols will beat the Gators in 2008 since “we are playing at home.”
Even though Fulmer has not won a championship of any kind in 10 years and has a losing record against 6 of the other 11 SEC coaches in the league – I think he is on track to getting it turned around and just needs “more time.”
Even though I was critical at one time of Fulmer letting Cutcliffe bring half of the Ole Miss staff to Knoxville with him (and the results), I will turn a blind eye to the fact that Clawson is essentially doing the exact same thing.
I will get cold chills and tear up any time that Trooper Taylor’s name is mentioned in a thread. Man, I miss that guy already.
Instead of blaming Fulmer/the staff for the decline of our program, I will blame the fans who are negative for all of our problems.
I will never admit that there are problems (serious) with the program because doing so would mean that AtlantaVol, BrotherVoliver2, FightinTitan, and a host of others were dead on 7-8 years ago in where we were and where we were headed.
To me, UT football is not about getting better and having the best program we can long-term. It’s about winning a rare game here and there and trying to spin that into proof to the LOM’s that the sky is not falling. Besides. I’d rather tailgate!!!!!
After a big loss, I will be furious and ready to admit that I was wrong. But for some unknown reason, within 24 hours I will convince myself that “these things go in cycles” and we really weren’t as bad as we looked.
I know so little about football that I will go to the Orange and White game and think somebody like Kurston Biggers or David Yancey is really good and is going to make a big splash in the SEC this year.
When we have 8-10 players arrested, I will find a team like Alabama or Auburn with 1 arrest and try to use that to justify our problems by saying “this happens everywhere. Let’s fire Saban/Tuberville.”
I will hate on Climer, Adams, Biddle, or anyone else who writes anything that I perceive as negative. I’ll also use this opportunity to get a plug in for Ben Byrd or Lindsay Nelson, who would never have done that.
I’ll completely ignore the fact that Johnny Majors actually had a better record his last five years than Fulmer does by saying that is “irrelevant” and forgetting how glad I was to see Majors moved out of office back in 1992.
Any time that a coaching vacancy comes up, I’ll start a thread listing 25 people who have either coached or played at Tennessee, but won’t be able to think outside the box and come up with any other names.
If I am a female LV fan, I will make comments about our players and how good looking they are and other lesbo innuendos even though they are underaged girls. If the men were doing the same thing about them it would be sickening and they would be pervs though.
When I have no argument (which is often), I’ll resort to name-calling and trying to make the poster look bad because that’s essentially all I know how to do.
Even when we are ranked #55 in recruiting on both Rivals.com and Scout.com with 45 minutes left on NSD, I’ll post that “this is a really good class” and “we met our needs” (even though we really didn’t) and that “Fulmer may still pull a rabbit out of the hat.”
When I disagree with someone or them me, I’ll be sure and pull out the “You are not a real Vol fan” or “Why don’t you go cheer for another team. We don’t need ya” line as a last resort. This gets them every time!
If we start out 1-3 on the year, I’ll be angry. But by the time we have beaten the Mississippi schools, Vandy, and Kentucky to close out the year - I’ll be convinced that we are really good and have cured all that ails us.
If one of the LOM’s does start a thread that asks a legitimate question and looks harmless, I’ll be sure to weigh in with “I know where you are going with this one. Your hatred for Fulmer is sickening!” even though the thread had absolutely nothing to do with Fulmer or coaching for that matter. I’ll never let an opportunity go by to promote Coach Fulmer.
The morning of NSD, I’ll get on the board and post something along the lines of “I had a dream last night that Patrick Turner de-committed from USC today and signed with the Vols (fingers crossed that it comes true),” even though he has been committed to USC for 5 years. I’ll do this annually with one or more players that the Vols have ZERO shot at signing in hopes that I can wish them into becoming Vols.
After every TV broadcast in which the Vols lost, I’ll get on the board that day or the following day and start a thread like “Did anyone else notice that ______ __________ & _________ ____________ were very biased against UT?” And then I will try to reason that the commentators somehow hurt the team’s performance (even though the team didn’t see or hear a smidgen of the broadcast during the game). I’ll then beat the drum that ESPN and others are out to get UT and somehow parlay that into being responsible for our problems.
Even though in life I try to be proactive regarding things such as my health, my retirement, preventive maintenance items on my home, my salvation, etc. - I will not be one iota proactive regarding Fulmer/the football program. I will refuse to see any red flags, warning signs, trends, etc. I will ride this bad boy off squarely in the ditch at 100 mph and won’t come off until the wheels are buried 3 feet into the ground and won’t turn. And then when I finally realize it, I will look for any LOM or negative poster and blame them 100% for any of this happening.
If a Georgia fan or a Bama fan come on the board in a friendly manner with a legitimate question about football or the Vols in general, I will reply to them with “35-14 anyone?” or “Bahr was a drunk and cheater!” Likewise, I will make no attempt to answer their question.
I will NEVER post anything negative about a player. These are kids for crying out loud and they aren’t getting paid. I will praise people like Heath Shuler and Jared Mayo on the board and tell them that “I respect their decision to go pro” and “I wish them well.” But less than a week later, I will post something along the lines of “I think they are making a big mistake” or “I just don’t see them getting drafted that high.” A week after that, I will have myself convinced that the following year’s version of the Vols won’t miss them or their talent at all and I’ll ever go as far as to post something like “Burney Veazey has more upside than Shuler” or “Ellix Wilson is a better athlete than Mayo. He just hasn’t had a chance to show it yet.”
Although I won’t post anything negative about a Vol player (these are kids, remember?), I will never miss an opportunity to publicly cuss Chris Leak, Chris Simms, Tim Tebow, or any rival player that I don’t like for various reasons and try to tear them down. I know this may seem somewhat hypocritical (maybe because it is????), but there are exceptions.
10 years after the fact when I am sure that nobody will remember or be able to research it, I will post some “facts” that players like Ray Lewis, LaDanian Tomlinson, Ed Reed, Randy Moss, and other current pro greats visited Tennessee and were silent commits to Coach Fulmer before changing their mind on NSD.
I’ll go to great lengths to minimize Spurrier’s record vs. UT and Fulmer while he was at Florida by posting stuff like “Fulmer’s beaten him 3 of the last 4″ or something like that in an attempt to make South Carolina’s talent level look as good as Florida’s or Tennessee’s. Even though anyone who has watched SEC football more than a few games knows that it’s an apples and oranges comparison. .
I
On days when the Vols scrimmage in practice, I’ll start a thread entitled “Has anyone heard anything about how the scrimmage went? Stats? Who looked good???” I’ll post this by Noon on the day of said scrimmage. Even though all media outlets south of the Mason-Dixon line have reported that the scrimmage is not set to start until 6 P.M. EST.
When discussing the Arkansas game in 2006, I will post something along the lines of “It wouldn’t have mattered in Joe Montana would have been starting that night. Arkansas just had our number and it wasn’t our day.” I’ll do this in an attempt to shield any skepticism that Vol fans may have regarding Jon Crompton’s ability to lead the team in 2008 since he didn’t do squat vs. Arkansas that night.
Whoever wrote that load of shit is one verbose motherfucker.
That was probably in response to a one-liner from someone else.
= definition of getting mentally owned.
Outer-mongoloids… Fucking pointless novel in comment 2
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I’m Ghengis Vol, we Monvolians realize we have gone too far and now any legitimate success by the University of Tennessee will make us look less than intelligent.
I hope we lose every game, but we have contingency plans in place if the Vols do happen to win the SEC.
We will credit Clawson. We can’t really credit any of the other coaches since we have continually bashed them for years.
Damn it, we’ve dug our own grave. I admit it
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It is obvious that Tennessee fans should listen to #2. The person who wrote that has obviously won more National Championships than Fulmer. He has coached teams to more SEC titles than Fulmer, as well as directed more programs to Divisional crowns that Fulmer. He has gone to more bowl games, major bowl games, amassed more bowl wins, and total wins than Fulmer. While Fulmer was busy being an All-SEC offensive lineman for Tennessee in his PLAYING days, this guy was busy being an All-American. Since you, the verbose blogger, obviously know more about how to coach football than a man who has made it his life’s work (and been pretty successful at it), Tennessee fans are crazy not to listen to your word as the Gospel to football success. Did you ever even play the sport, much less coach it? Do you think logging hours on Playstation makes you an expert? Have you ever even buckled a chinstrap or strapped on shoulder pads? Who the hell do you think you are? And why in the hell do you expect fans to listen to some internet blogger when it comes to college football?
Number 10, if this is just a worthless blog ran by someone who knows nothing about football why do you feel the need to support your outer-mongoloid bothers here? You have moved yourself into an intellectual check-mate, tool
@2 Did anyone really take the time to read that shit? Brevity is your friend.
Dirt, I was making fun of the Outermonvolians through satire. I think it is absurd to call for Fulmer’s head.
My bad 13, was still mind dead from reading that worthless compliation on #2 that I didn’t pick it up
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