You want motivation?  Here’s your fucking motivation!

UAT head coach Nick Saban has decided to do whatever it takes to prevent another ULM meltdown.  A game suspension for an All-SEC WR morphing into a half game suspension didn’t prevent the Fighting Nutria from biting the $4 million a year coach in the ass.  Weather fan or foe or the Crapstone, you have to admit that Sa6an epitomizes “outside the box” thinking. 

Lil Bear’s latest step to prevent another ULM and subsequent 9/11 and Pearl Harbor comparison is to bring in a dedicated motivational speaker for the Rowe Tihders.  [Bear didn't use motivational speakers]

Saban’s call to the bullpen goes to Dr. Kevin Elko, who he used in his 1/2 NC season at LSU.  Lil Bammers already got the cheating pep talk from Saban’s buddy Belichick, Dr. Elko will provide the motivation to cheat.   The good Dr. focuses on six (Oh snap, may want to change that to five or seven.  Bammers don’t like six!) points. 

1. Take Responsibility: the ultimate way to disarm anger and regain power.
2. Live Internally. Only you can control your actions and feelings.
3. Identify your “68″. Find out what makes you tick, and stay focused on it.
4. Give away your “68″. Once you know what you want, give it to others to receive even more!
5. Think about what you think about: you need to practice and program yourself.
6. Self Talk. In a “moment of truth”, step back, reaffirm and coach yourself through it.

Lets attack these one by one.  Take responsibility.  Did Saban ever owe up to his half-game suspension on DJ “Throatslash” Hall?  Before Lord Nick asks his players to do this he might want to this this himself. 

Live internally.  Doesn’t really apply when there are 11 men on the other side of the ball from you. 

Identify your “68.”  Already identified for the Bammeroids.  Their motivation is to avoid “6″ from turning into 7 or 8. 

Give away your “68.”  The Barn has probably already taken all motivation away from ULM’s bitch. 

Think about what you think about.  This sounds extremely counter-productive.  Like I told a stripper in NOLA one time, “less talky, more boobie.”  That’s a motto to live life by. 

Self Talk.  A Crimson Turd, SJJPW for instance, doesn’t posses the time to “step back” when some freak like Trey Blackmon is chasing him down in the backfield. 

In conclusion, UAT’s profits from their “Got Recruits?” t-shirt sales will be well spent on Dr. Elko.  I predict another trip to the esteemed Weedeater Bowl or maybe even a trip to M.E.M.P.H.I.S. for the Liberty Bowl if they can get past Mississippi State.