OFFICIAL PRESS RELEASE FROM THE OFFICE OF MAYOR JACOBS

Howdy y’all. My name is Buford “Cornbread” Jacobs, and I am the Mayor of Cromptonville, NC which you may remember as the country formerly known as Burma. I can’t begin to tell everybody how excited we are to see our very own Jonathon Crompton take the field this season as starting quarterback for the Univerity of Tennessee.

Up here in Cromptonville, we live a simple life. We don’t ask for much, but we will give until it hurts. Old folks around here say that kids in Cromptonville ain’t born, they just fall like acorns out of the treetops and they establish roots right there in the rich fertile soils in which they land. I can still remember when lil’ JC was two years old, just a sapling throwing tight spirals across the mountain streams that run cold and clean up here in our neck o’ the woods. He was a boy wonder. He was originally named Jesse Telford but we recommended that he change his initials to match those of Jesus Christ. And so the family set out on a trek to the county couthouse and the rest is mountain history.