1. A position of strength for the Vols this fall should be wide receivers. Which 2 guys will emerge from the pack to start the opener against UCLA alongside Lucas Taylor? Why?

Austin Rogers or AR21. AR21’s the sleeper. Here is a vignette to capture the essence of The Vanilla Fly: AR21’s the quiet manager in your office, the one that seems like he might be a good guy, but he’s a little too business-y from 9-6. Then there’s the one night where Happy Hour cocktails turns into an impromptu trip to the Shaved Beaver, and AR21’s the one chatting up the strippers, trying to negotiate some extras during the lap dance. The next thing you know, someone asks what happened to AR21? We haven’t seen him in a while. AR21’s in the Champagne Room, getting a blowjob and admiring giggles as the stripper’s tongue piercing clinks against his Prince Albert.

The next day, AR21 claps you on the shoulder as he walks by your cube, throws you a nod, see you in the meeting. You’re pretty sure that stripper was into you. And didn’t you have more money in your pocket when you left the club?

and then there is

Gerald Jones. It’s obvious that Gerald is going to play a lot this fall because he’s one the Battle Captain’s favorites. He’s good, and he’ll make it to the final three receivers. Tennessee is the big time, kid. Fulmer sees you, loves you long time and he has a weakness for the receivers with 4.3 speed. He likes that, he can respect that.

We can’t stop thinking that Gerald’s going to star as Kelley Washington in an off-Broadway revival of Midnight Cowboy, with a long-ago dispatched Alabama Booster as Ratso Rizzo.

2. Which game on the schedule do you, as a fan, need Tennessee to win for your own sanity and happiness? Why?

Alabama, silly. I live right in the middle of these fuckers. These people got tradition. They are smart enough to bring their own toilet paper to the games on a mop handle. Not only do they do that, but they bring their own laundry detergent in case they forget to use their toilet paper! Nothing says bama football and tradition like bringing your own toilet paper for use, when and where a full bull Bammeroid would need it.

After that, it has the be Florida. If Fulmer loses to Herban Meyer again, he really does need to be fired (See question 3). Meyer has perfected the “deer in the headlights” look. With that said, let’s all focus on karmic thoughts on how well Fulmer is going to dominate Herban Meyer, and how awesome the Vols look. I think that my fellow Vols better start burning Votive candles than suffer the darkness of another loss to the Gates.  Staples would be nice to repair the Tattered Windsock from last year.

3. What are your thoughts on the 8-win clause in Coach Fulmer’s new contract that automatically rolls his contract over another year if he wins 8 games in a season?

For those who have forgotten or just don’t know any better, this graphic answers the mail:

Spoiled motherfuckers. You better appreciate Fulmer

4. What is your favorite gameday recipe, whether for tailgating or in your own kitchen? Explain why in delicious detail.

5 Brats, 1 onion, 1 apple, ½ pound of sauerkraut, 1 beer, 3 spoons of brown mustard (I don’t know what kinda spoons).

Put the brats in a pan. Spread the onion, apple and sauerkraut on the brauts. Mix the beer and mustard in a container. Pour over the brats. Cook direct heat for 20 minutes. Turn 2 or 3 times. After 20 minutes, remove the brats to the grill. Let the mixture in the pan continue to cook.

This will make you wanna stand up and beg for buttermilk.

5. You have a tag team championship match against the Legion of Doom coming up. Which current Volunteer do you choose as your tag team partner? Why?

Is it the Legion of Doom or the Legion of the Miserable? The Miserables are a bunch of pussies.

I choose Josh McNeil. Reserved. Peaceful. He is the Mississippi Buddha. His roles are so varied, yet there is always a serene charisma that he brings to each pancake block. What kind of country upbringing could produce such a sweet soul? Oh the Legion of Doom is in for a tale of adventure. Loss. Victory. And most of all, a glimpse into the madness which fuels one Josh McNeil.

Read the rest of the Round Table:

• Fulmer’s Belly (in poetic verse)
• The Power T
• 3rd Saturday in Blogtober
• World According to MoonDog
• YMSWWC
• SouthEastern Sports Blog
• Rocky Top Talk