Big Orange Roundtable #3
1. For some inexplicable reason, Phillip Fulmer invites Urban Meyer, Mark Richt, Steve Spurrier, Nick Saban, Les Miles, and Tommy Tuberville over to his palatial estate for a dinner party. At 2:00 a.m. the next morning, The Papa discovers that Smokey IX has been murdered. Who did it, with what, and where? Think Clue. You know, Mr. Mustard in the parlor with the candlestick?
None of the coaches listed above did it. Chris Fowler planned the kill working in cahoots with his maternal grandmother-looking paramour Lou Holtz. I further believe that Fowler’s man-servant, Charles Woodson introduced a sap to Smokey’s temple all the while screaming with each blow to Smokey’s cranium: I AM THE KING OF THE TENNESSEE TRAILER PARKS. DANCE FOR ME AND MY HEISMAN, LIVE AND YOU SHALL TASTE AMBROSIA UPON YOUR HONEYED LIPS! DIE AND BE REMEMBERED A HERO!
2. Who between Eric Berry for the defense and Gerald Jones for the Clawfense will have the biggest impact for the Vols in 2008?
I have no idea what to expect this season, but I damn well better like it. Somebody better open up that playbook, start calling some Herban Meyer-like plays. Really what I am hoping for is a “wow” season on both sides of the ball. The big question is will Tennessee “wow” its fans. As in, “Wow, does offense suck” or “Wow, WTF happened to this all world secondary?” “Wow my season tickets sure are pricey” Oxygen is cool. What would be cooler than oxygen is beating Auburn, Georgia, Alabama and Florida. Even cooler would be that each of them would be ranked #2 in the nation before we beat that ass.
3. You devise a way to harness the Lost island’s temporal displacement properties. The island will allow you to change one thing, but one thing only, in the history of the Tennessee Volunteer football program. What do you change? By the way, Ben warns that if you try to say “2005″ or any other entire season, the mysterious clicking black smoke will sound its wailing siren, shoot from the earth, grab you by the ankles, and pound you to a pulp against a palm tree. So change only one thing. Unless, of course, you like that sort of thing.
I think of anything, it would be to much success in beating ass. Many of the fans do not remember the Bill Battle era and the early seasons of Johnny Majors. The losses to Rutgers, North Texas, the bad streak versus the Cheaters. In one word, Tennessee fans are SPOILED.
i have been a huge Tennessee fan my entire life and am proud to be an alumni of the University. These days I live in Lower Alabama and I always hear remarks of how stupid people are from Tennessee. I have even been told that my degree from Tennessee is no better than a high school degree in the state of Alabama. Maybe the good people of Tennessee are not as modern and are not as intellectually driven like people in the Alabama cities of Bridgeport, Mulga, Cullman, Opp or Jack, but Tennessee football is our form of intellectual expression. Tennessee football used to be a source of pride for people from Tennessee. It used to say to the rest of the nation that we know ya’ll all think we’re stupid and ignorant, but here’s a taste of our football team. Here’s a dose of the Orange and White that full of heart, toughness, pixie dust, a bag of magic beans and guts and is always able to hit you in the mouth and will do whatever it takes to win. Then people from Tennessee can say maybe were not as intellectual, but we know how to beat ass. it saddens me that we could lose that when the Battle Captain moves on.
4. What about the future? What is your worst fear for this upcoming season, the turn of events that would send you into a blind rage?
Another loss to Bama. Those cheaters are back in business of buying whatever their blackened shrunken pieces of gristle that they call hearts, desire. When the whores, money and blow is flowing freely in the T-Town Ghetto like buttermilk douches, nobody NOBODY can stop the Houndstooth Philistines. Mark my words, it is only a matter of time till those cheaters buy another National Championship right before they start their next probation.
Rest assured that if Coach Saban wants a recruit, no amount of money can stand in his way. Saban will assimilate the ignorant, into an ignorant world where only Alabama and their fanbase reigns supreme. As an example, does anyone remember the couple that got married at Bryant Denny a couple of years ago? I can tell you right now, that couple that got married will never get divorced. They obviously were raised right and have their priorities straight. How does any school stand a chance against that?
My backup fear is that UGA is not soft like the FleshLight that we all know that they are. Dawg fans procreate in cyberspace like rabbits when they are successful on the field. Couple that with the fact they have an inferiority complex with their Daddy to the north and their Step Daddy to the south, and you have the makings of a “Rooster Challenged” fanbase that is loud and proud.
Here the others….
Vote here
nice work Jai
Those were some fucked up questions, who was responsible for that wackiness?
# 4 is hilarious and ironic. Tee Martin really laughed at that one.
It’s unbelievable that grown men really believe these sorts of things.
ironically tennessee did not receive ncaa sanctions
tee laughs at that
“Who did it, with what, and where?”
“Well Eli, Smokey just came out of the tunnel, and he’s about 100 yards away from me now, and if I had my deer rifle I believe I could drop him, back to you Eli” — Jerry Duncan’s comments to Eli Gold just prior to kickoff against Tennessee.
Who is Jerry Duncan? Snake Stabler’s CPA?