An Open Letter to the Ding Dong

HT to Thomas for the photo

Ding-Dong:

Look, Ding-Dong, we know it’s probably not your fault, you never really seemed like much of a leader anyway. There’s probably a real good reason that you banned (without any warning)  everyone that blogs at Losers with Socks from Volquest.com, I am not linking it because I don’t want to send any traffic there.  Banned, banned without warning. Ding-Dong, please also stop emailing us asking how/who we know to get our scoops. We enjoy making you look like a stupid fuck too much to tell you.

Most of us are moving to this Message Board, Smash Sports South.  I noticed the influx of former and current VQ’rs there already.

Here is the  email from Ding-Dong:

I have tried, and tried, begged and pleaded. But I am tired and frankly I have no choice but to refund you and end your ability to post on Volquest.com. (There was no begging and pleading, no warning at all.  Ding-Dong is now using the TOS defense, because he doesn’t have an excuse…that pussy)

I have been more than patient and have given you more chances than anyone in our company gives a subscriber, but I have a business to run and in business the goal is to be as successful as you can. (Wow.  Had no idea, but thanks.  But we had to know that there was a problem to appreciate all of the “chances”, you prick)

Ding-Dong, I understand your website is in the business of providing *inside* information on Tennessee Football/Basketball (you often get scooped by the Knoxville Paper)  and it’s focus is less on humor, but isn’t it at least a small bit reckless to criticize so fervently yet offer no viable solutions yourself?  Ding-Dong, as much as it pains me to say this, you are beginning to fall into the same trap as Ron Tosh at Gridscape. By continuing to disproportionately ban one group of posters, you are emphatically embracing the other bunch of no-humor pussies that hate funny shit.  I know you are smarter than that, though. I say if you really truly want to be different, different from all of the Tennessee bloggers, Sports news outlets, newspapers, and the like, then do something radical. Grow a set of grapes, and tell your two puppet masters to kiss your ass.

Puppet Master 1:  I know that you are the poster boy for being the  internet tough guy, a coward and a pussy. Yep,  I’m talking to you.  Mr. Asshat, with your gray “Iowa flip”* (aka comb-over) who is trying to prove that he’s still some sort of stud,  and not some aging “has been” whose prostate is flaring up.  Perhaps you should just get a proper haircut? You aren’t fooling anyone. Basically Robert, you have a vagina. You can’t write a grammatically correct story (or spell check) to save your life. The kegstand you did at your “partner” tennstud’s house was filled with Apple Pucker. You know it, we know it. Get fucked, Dillweed.  My second favorite memory of  this jack ass is when he told my cousin to “take that shit down or get out of town”, after my friend photoshopped Rob’s ass in various football scenes.  What does that mean?  “take that shit down or get out of town”?

Rob cant quit it

The Original Puppet Master: While I am thrilled for you that you have such a seemingly vast network of acquaintances and inside sources who share your particular levels of taste, charm, and decorum. I grudgingly applaud you for using this network as the carrot to control Ding-Dong; Ding-Dong, who can’t grasp that Volquest is really about him and not the Puppetmasters.  Newsflash to Ding-Dong: You have lost control of your website .  Those dudes own your ass and you don’t even know it. Original Puppet Master, we are constantly reminded that you are a fine gentleman; a fine gentleman who packed up his laptop and Excel Spread-Sheeps and went to other message boards when you were forced to share the spotlight. Hell I remember when you got pissed off when this website scooped your ass on Scotty Hopson’s commit and Tyler Smith’s return.  I’d like for you to get the HELL over yourself, you narcissistic, unprofessional, Napoleonic jackhole.

Volquest is now held hostage by jock-sniffing old men who like to brag about their donations to the athletic department. They are almost as sad as sniffers in training who hang on their every word. Anybody who steals the spotlight from these “insiders” must be eradicated. Unfortunately, their “sources” are often nothing but a small but vocal group of parents (who will talk to anybody that will listen) and their “inside information” is usually slanted to promote a certain agenda or viewpoint.

In the case of the Volquest “insiders” a former coach (Chest bump anyone?) was the source of the vast majority of “inside information” (aka bullshit) at Tennessee over the past few years or so. When this loudmouth headed west, so did the rumors and so-called vital information that he supplied to his eager “funnels of information” who would plaster the nonsense all across the message boards.

To the readers out there……………true insiders do not post gossip on message boards. They don’t feel the need to promote themselves as “in-the-know”. They don’t take their ball and go elsewhere when other kids show up on the playground and take all of their chicks, or in this case attention. There is something very sad about people who take their message board persona so literally that it becomes their true identity and reality. Sane people don’t buy it.

At LWS, we don’t claim to be “insiders”. We are normal guys who like to have fun and don’t take ourselves too seriously. To us, college football season is the best time of the year. But we don’t feel the need to falsely position ourselves as something that we are not. Strangely enough, we get more tips and true inside information that any wannabe posting on a message board could ever hope for.

Would I recommend Volquest to anyone?  I would if you like asking football questions that never get answered; or if you like verifying  GoVolsextra and the Chattanooga Free-Press released an 20 minutes earlier; or if you like being expelled without warning.  So if you like those kind of things, then please sign up today.  It is Gritscape on steroids these days, Vols Bitch

Good day, sir.

PS, Brent?  Rob?  You don’t own the internet.  Fuckheads

PSS Volvulus, you may not be a gentleman, but you are most definitely a huge sweaty unwashed poon jab, GBO