(Thanks for note Nica)

GAINESVILLE — University of Florida back-up quarterback Cameron Newton was arrested on Friday for allegedly stealing a laptop computer.
http://miamiherald.typepad.com/gator_clause/2008/11/uf-quarterback.html

Folks? Can’t we just go ahead and assume that Cam is innocent until proven guilty?  He damn well probably bought that computer off of CraigsList.  How was he suppose to know if it was hot?  Either way this is a classic opportunity for Herban to show how much smarter he is than everyone else.  He recognizes the importance of athletics in his player’s lives. A source close to the Gator program explained “Education has never done nothing, NOTHING for these boys. They play football good and that is what is going to make them a star. Look at Tebow, hell look at Chris Leak, both of them boys are nothing more than functional retards.  Keeping these kids off the field is like taking the food out of their babies’ mouths. Well except for Tebow, ahem, he likely doesn’t have any babies.”  Can I get a golf clap for Coach Meyer?  Frankly I think that it is about time somebody gets it.

Coach Meyer is always on the cutting edge whether on or off the field.  A couple of things he has done are like advocating the Spread Offense (he “borrowed” it from Rich Rod),  he used text messaging for recruiting.  Meyer knows that Gator players are not that smart, and to deny them playing time is to deny them their future. Cam could be losing $700 a game this year and while being suspended.  That is enough to get a Dell Laptop with 4gb of RAM and Vista (Cam is rumored to have some bootleg Windows XP install disks).  In Cam’s case, he paid his penance for his sins by not playing against the Citadel.  Remember folks, Florida still has FSU and Bama left, Cam has a job and he can’t get paid if he don’t play.

While we respect Cam Newton and all he had brought to the Florida Gators and ultimately the SEC,  I am sure that the Bull Gator Boosters will have no other choice but to repo that zero value junker of a lexus they gave him (just like they did with Hornsby) and the zero value wreck of a jeep cherokee.  Newton’s Lexus had nothing to do with him playing for the Gates but the Bull Gators must feel like any *charity* that is  bestowed should remain local.  Once that the keys are retrieved the from Cam, they’ll look for another impoverished third string qb in need of transportation with a gold and chrome wheel package.

Until the Bull Gates get the car back in the safe confines of Watsons Towing,  I wouldn’t be surprised if Herb  tossed him off the team; my fingers are  making air quotes “permanently” suspended , but kept him on scholarship, he just knows to much about the Florida offense to be kicked off the reservation.  Yet.

Just in case, I am sure that the Gates will have multiple contingency plans to cover all possible courses of action. The call to arms in Hogstown will be swift,  quiet, efficient and stealthy.  Cervone, Foley and Herban will call to the Bull Gates:   Struggle! Awake! Lift the veil! Shall I? Shall you? Do you want to see?  Do you see? Is it clear?  They know that that anarchy is an absence of government. That doesn’t mean chaos. It means autonomy.

So innocent, right? So simple.  Simple like Marcus “Puffy” Thomas, Channing “Chainsaw” Crowder, Tony “Don’t kiss me like that” Joiner, Dustin “Crips” Doe, Ronnie The Rifleman are but a few sanitary “ops” that have have been executed by Bull Gator Wet Teams.

Here is “once a Gate always a Gate”  Chainsaw Crowder getting his ass whipped on Sunday:

With that said, my sources inside the Gate Nation say that Newton’s unselfishness for possibly clearing up a roster spot (if permanently-permanently suspended) will be rewarded with his monthly stipend continued.

Oh and lets get the kid that lost the computer and that filed a criminal complaint a scholarship, ASAP.  Charges Dismissed.