Courtesy of PatDyesWildTurkey and Tubby’s missing fingers

Bammeroid Hot Pocket

Well I figured the game was going to go one of two ways. Either we would keep it close or it was going to be a blowout. As you know by now the latter came true. I don’t think hardly any Auburn fans thought we had a chance to win, but many of us didn’t think the outcome would have been that one sided. Here is a review of the game and its elements.

1. Fans – I had to add this section. My mother went to her first iron bowl this year, in Tuscaloosa. She stated she wore her Auburn colors proud. She was shocked to find that she was given the bird several times and verbally harassed and threatened all day long by all types of Bama fans. Not by one or two choice fans but by several all day long where ever she went. The sad thing was no other bama fans stepped in to say otherwise. As an Auburn season ticket holder I try to accommodate opposing fans who are visiting. I will discuss the game with them, offer directions and even offer a cold beverage. It’s funny how Bama fans complain about how LSU fans treat them and then turn around and act the same way. Bama fans are the biggest kool aid drinkers around and they are by far the most obnoxious. No I am not talking about the lawyers, doctors and dentist crowd or the merlot drinkers. I am talking about the sleeve less; hounds tooth ball cap wearing, mullets that make up 80% of the fan base. I only say this to prove a point. Anytime you do something like that you have to think, would you want someone to act that way towards your mother. These are the type of fans that most opposing fans view as bama fans. As I have said before those types of fans are the kool aid drinkers. I just wish they would drink some Jonestown Kool aid with Jim Jones sometime. The world would be a better place.

2. Offense- Kodi Burns looked extremely off. Any progress we had seen went out the door. He looked lost. What was that play were he held onto the ball for like 40 minutes as the bama player sacked him for a loss. He missed wide receivers all day long. I was almost distraught enough to yell “Put in Chris Todd” then I remembered the first half of the season. The one thing Kodi does well is run the ball. We ran him on two series and never did it again. I was dumbfounded. The running backs were even worse; Ben Tate a north south runner ran east and west, again. Does Auburn’s coordinator lack a compass or is it short term memory loss. Then Fannin fumbled, Lester fumbled, Burns fumbled it seemed everyone fumbled.

The wide receivers were non-existent as well, who are we kidding they were down right terrible, as they have been all year long. Quick, name Auburn’s leading receiver…..yea…me neither. Our offense line didn’t play much better. Kodi was running for his life all day. I will say Senior Tyrone Green gave Bama’s Nose Guard Cody all he wanted. You did not hear Cody’s name much yesterday on defense. I think they used a new technique that involved laying Snickers Bars at the line of scrimmage to distract him. By the way did anybody see one trick play? I didn’t think so. Don’t you think at 5-7 against your rival who was #1 you would want to use everything you could. It seemed as if Auburn was operating off of a playbook that was missing 56 pages.

3. Defense – Ok before I get started I know that the offense put out defense in a bad position time and time again. However, we did not play good at all on defense. Tell me can you recall us ever getting pressure on their qb or how many tackles did we miss. The key to winning the last few iron bowls and beating bama has been getting to Sara Jessica Parker, which we did not do. Our all-SEC linemen were very quite and out of position all day. Our midget linebackers were oversized as Bama ran it right up the middle. Mike McNeil, I haven’t seen such a bad example of safety since the Exxon Valdez incident. He let everything get by him, whether it was by air or by land. Yes, our defense was down right terrible. We needed linebacker Tray Blackmon yesterday. He is one of the best in the SEC against the run. But he was too busy working the double shift at the Waffle House having to support his nine kids. The second half we didn’t stop Bama at all. Their punter changed back into his street clothes.

4. Special Teams – Well of course our regular kicker Wes Byrum did not play. In way it was a relief. However, the weight of the kicking tasks was put on a walk on kicker, Morgan Hull, who had never kicked in a real game before. Does that sound like a recipe for disaster or an after school special? Well it was a little of both. With the first half winding down, the tigers down by ten, Hull kicked what most thought was a momentum changing 40 yd field goal through the uprights. However, El Satan called a timeout to ice the kicker. Hull had to rekick it. Hull was like the guy who thinks his name was called to come down on the Price is Right only to find out he misheard the announcer. So he lined up again to make his mark on the rivalry, only to kick a line drive that would have decapitated a midget. It was blocked and the momentum of the game shifted back to Bama. He never saw the field again for a field goal attempt. Clinton Durst, our own little Rudy of a punter was by far the player of the game. You know it’s been a bad year and season when your punter is the highlight. He kept us in the game with his punts all day long. He helped our field position. You know it’s bad when the Auburn player of the game looks like the guy bagging your groceries. Hell, last year he probably was bagging your groceries.

All in all we should have known it was going to be a bad season. Now we don’t have to hold up seven fingers anymore. We can go back to the one finger that all bama fans deserve. I salute Bama and their coach and team. They have had a good season. They have a lot of reasons to be excited. So much so I created a list for them.

TOP TEN THINGS BAMA FANS HAVE NOT BEEN THIS EXCITED OVER:

1. Bama fans have not been this excited since Spam was half off at Piggly Wiggly.
2. Bama fans have not been this excited since Elvis was sighted working concessions at Bryant Denny stadium.
3. Bama fans have not been this excited since hounds tooth caskets became available.
4. Bama fans have not been this excited since they learned Kenny Stabler was driving their children’s school bus.
5. Bama fans have not been this excited since the no shirt and no shoes policy was dropped at Captain D’s.
6. Bama fans have not been this excited since former Coach Mike Price tried to cash his buyout check at Sammy’s strip club.
7. Bama fans have not been this excited since Skoal dip cans came in his and hers.
8. Bama fans have not been this excited since they had their Bear Bryant coke bottles appraised on Antique Road Show.
9. Bama fans have not been this excited since Joe Namath kissed their wife.
10. Bama fans have not been this excited since they learned every time a hurricane hits they get a new trailer (FEMA).

Cheer up Auburn fans there is always recruiting and women’s basketball. Look at it this way at least Auburn items will be on discount for Christmas time.