It is a safe bet that there will be some sore dicks tonight.  For Alabama Escalade Salesmen this is a huge day to make quota.

This is a heady and frothy day when adult men with jock-cocking  man-crushes on 17 year old running backs and linebackers gush “That stud is a kid, err, that kid is a stud. Anyway fellas, I was watching his film last night, and could not stopping thinking of his hips and feet. What a specimen, what a stud”.  Squirt

Flushfaced and hamfisted, they count a prospect’s stars (ratings), comparing Rivals to Scout ratings and how that translates to overall final team ratings. They lament, “Why does Scout have us at 5 when Rivals has at 2? Scout is obviously involved in the ESPN conspiracy to keep us down too. And that fucking Tom Lemming is such a Notre Dame whore. He pushes kids to the Irish.”

Is it ecstasy that make these freaks and geeks agonize over a prospect’s visit to their school or another school, analyzing every word of an the recruits interview for what the “stud” had to say and what did he mean when he said that word.

Then with a thin film of sweat on their flat hairy faces, big sticky sausage fingers hunt and they peck on keyboards that are peculiarly stained. On NSD, some these obsessive freaks meet up with one another on Internet message boards like Rivals or Scout. They call each other names as they share their opinions and dare anyone to question their “inside” source or their knowledge of evaluating football talent. These conversations almost never end well as things become “heated” as the message boards move into a sweet meltdown.

Even better is when these actually gather together in hotels on Signing Day to “track” their schools commitments. This will be the time for these freaks to “man-up” as they “call each other out” and it will also be the time for them to bond with each other. Can you imagine the awful sweet stink man-sex smell that is going to spill out these “war rooms”.

Think of the War Room as a sex den that has the smell of soiled underwear of Sailors on shore leave after a long cruise and being pleasured under a dark overpass to be the quintessential recruiting moment.

Here are the required contents of the Recruiting Signing Day Toolkits. Some of the contents are slightly varied to fit the this special day:

• Container for jock strap respiration droplets
• Black Socks to accentuate the pallid white skin
• Wife Beater Tee Shirt
• Boxer Underwear
• Rivals Recruiting Magazine (for visual stimulation)
• Industrial Grade Lubrication (with pumice)
• Penis Floss
• Kleenex with Aloe
• Wi-Fi Connection
• Ball gag

Go Vols!!