Going Native in Florida
Special to the LWS.
Gainseville Fla.- The University of Florida Athletic Department received some relatively good news this past weekend, in that the uniform appeal has passed through the NCAA. “Although not all requests were approved , the majority or our new look will be unveiled on the field when we open up with Charleston Southern on September 5th.”
Craig Standifer an assistant to Athletic Director Jeremy Foley stated. The Gators new look combo will consist of an orange sleeveless jersey and new denim style pants. “The football pants will still be constructed of 92% nylon and 8% spandex but will offer fans a look more indigenous to the region.” a spokesman from Riddell said Tuesday. The new “look” is comparable to the ever popular “jort” movement that has captured Florida by storm. “At first, there were very few people that caught on to this concept, but now you see them everywhere including church and on Tuesdays.” said Abe Galbraith of nearby Micanopy. “Every pair of blue jeans tells a story, and what better way to prolong that story than turning them into shorts once the knees have done wore out. It gets real hot down here.” He said. “ I think its terrific, and a great way to honor the fan base.” Shirley Furtwrangler a waitress at local favorite Harry’s Seafood Bar & Grille said of the new look Gators.
The jersey will feature an orange full length sleeveless, 100% nylon tricot mesh body with contrasting gold piping on front with gold numbers. The helmets will remain the same with the exception of a gold facemask. When asked where the idea for the color gold came from which is not one of the University’s traditional colors Mr. Standifer responded that they were trying to emulate the “thick gold chains and coin rings that so many of our fans enjoy wearing.” Quarterback Tim Tebow was reached by phone in between off season circumcisions in Manila “Im still uncertain about the pants, but the sleeveless jerseys are going to be incredible. I wear tank tops just about everyday and just think of the freedom my throwing arm will now have.” the signal caller said.
Kicker Caleb Sturgis didn’t have as much to offer and wasn’t as excited as his battle captain Tebow “ I would play in a bikini if I had to.” the sophomore said. “I just hope the pants are sown at the knees and don’t have the standard fray like traditional jorts.” Congress Woman Corrine Brown said when asked about the change “ I no give no marbles to any man that don’t live no bottles to herself. When I can take me some crust on a toast, then we talking Long John Silvers honey. Go Gaytor” Urban Meyer was unable for comment, but sources say that the lying bastard approves the new look. So Gator Nation, two bits, four bits, six bits, get ready for a new totally awesome look in ‘09. McRiblets_*
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