Ka-Pow Gator

In honor of our Mountain Overlord, this blog post is reposted for his glory:

Remember SEC Foes: If Crompton had had half a running game and a defense to work with, he could have won both the LSU and Arkansas games. Beware the ruff tuff Mountain Warrior, Poet, Lover and Prince  who just happens to ride the pale horse, For he is death, And hell rides with him….Jon Crompton is a WMD.  So fearsome is Cromps, that Charon’s bony fingers shook as he accepted coin from the powerful young Cromps  for his boat trip across the River Styx.

(click to enlarge)

BJ Coleman is gone. As opening day versus the formidable Western Kentucky Hilltoppers looms, Jon Crompton re-ascends the throne as the heir apparent starting QB for THE University of Tennessee.

So just who is Jon Crompton?

Jon Crompton is a strong QB, a gifted QB. Charmingly charismatic, unfailingly noble, unerringly crafty. He is the kind of guy that women want and men want to be. He’s respected. He’s unmatched as a beautiful, beautiful man, perfect in every way. I wish I could be him. I wish that he had cleft chin so I could live inside of this cleft forever, subsisting on nothing but his razor stubble, dried aftershave and the sweet saliva of soft, buxom, lily fresh, wholesome mountain girls.

Simply put: He’s the envy of every Vol fan in the Big Orange Nation; he has a huge warrior heart, indomitable spirit, the big guns, and most importantly, the support of the Cromptonites.

The Cromptonites. Oh the guile, the stealth, the mastery of machination of all of the traits that embody a madness that would willingly perform a Jeff Gillooly on any other competing quarterbacks. All the while the Cromptonites continue contructing a shadowy realm of terror.

Cromptonites operate in a shadowland that encompasses the Big Orange Nation. Yet its creator would remain anonymous, never glimpsed, never sighted, never recognized. Like the dark side of the moon. Deft and agile, the Cromptonite always does it best to remain out of direct confrontation and instead focus on cunning and subterfuge.

Will this blog post make me a marked man at the Spring Game??

How? Remember Erik Ainge’s shoulder, knee and finger “injuries”? Cromptonites use discredit by association requiring a denial to flourish; in other words: Depositing Misinformation. Who would even dare to oppose the Cromptonites now?

Are Cromptonites capable of such vile enormities of creating “injuries”? My very soul rebels at the possibility. Yet I can not rule it out. They do what they do for the “good of the program”.

All other pretenders to Tennessee’s QB pale in their wake. Their hearts are still way smaller than Jon Crompton’s courageous heart, which is earnest of nature, bold of spirit, keen and clear of intellect, chock full of bravery, fierceness, roaring with agony and rage and an undeniable will to win.

Most Vols recline in a fugue-like state, images and information and uncertainties churn through through their simple minds like fresh sweet buttermilk that could be aggressively and vigorously massaged into the young Crompton’s sore achey brakey manly hamstrings. They do what they do for the “good of the program”.

Thank God the Warrior Prince is now ascending to his rightful place on the throne. While Tennessee football has appeared to languish since the 1998 national Championship. I feel certain that Crompton will create a haven of prospertity, nourished by this sweet buttermilk and buttermilk massages that will return my beloved (and sometimes hapless) Vols to Glory!!