Kiffin dismisses Janzen Jackson, comments on his disappointment

2009 November 20
by Larry_Scott


Lane Kiffin dismissed Janzen Jackson from the University of Tennessee football team today, over a week after the now infamous incident involving Jackson and two other players, Nu’Keese Richardson and Mike Edwards.

“We are very disappointed with these three freshman,” Kiffin said.  “We are building a championship football team here.  There is absolutely no room for this nonsense.”

The three former players were arrested last Thursday morning after a botched robbery attempt at a gas station.  Richardson allegedly held a pellet gun to three young men sitting in their car at the Pilot station on Cumberland Avenue near campus.  The victims had no money and have famously been quoted as offering the Vol freshman their cheeseburger.

Kiffin is unabashed with his criticism.  “Look at the teams of championships past.  Florida, USC, Oklahoma, Miami.  Those teams had a swagger, a certain championship attitude.  We simply will not condone this kind of pussy shit,” said Kiffin.

Kiffin said he was most disappointed in the players’ decision to rob a 1999 Hyundai.  “What does that car tell you?  Does it scream money?  Fuck no it doesn’t.  It says ‘I am a poor ass inbred from Maryville.’ I cannot believe that Nuke (Richardson) only came away with a goddamn Wendy’s Baconator.  If we are going to improve as a program, we have to be better than that.”

Kiffin cites Bruce Pearl’s basketball program as a benchmark for success.  “Look at what BP (Pearl) is doing over there.  That program was dogshit, and now they are a top 10 team.  He did that by recruiting the right kind of players.  Tyler (Smith) is straight up thug.  JP (Prince) is so Memphis it hurts.  Wayne (Chism) has black redneck swag.  We need that.”

Kiffin recalls two of Pearl’s players in particular who defined what he is looking for in a player.  “Remember Duke Crews and Ramar Smith?  Unfortunate victims of administrative bullshit.  (Crews and Smith were dismissed by Pearl last season).  Those guys dominated this town.  Ramar is currently in jail after catching a home invasion charge.  And not any bullshit burglary either.  He kicked in a drug dealer’s door and robbed him while wielding a shotgun.  Know what I call that?  Fucking championship.”

The young coach says he has learned from the experience and knows what he’s looking for from here on out.  “I knew Nuke was a fake gangster.  He tried to act like a balla, but he clearly wasn’t.  He shaved his goddamn eyebrows like Bobby Brown.  And I’ll say this – no one who has game takes down a ‘99 Hyundai with a fucking BB gun.  I promise Vol fans – from here on out, we will scout better.  Only straight up thugs from now on.  UT deserves better.”

Senior Wes Brown agrees.  “You try to be there for these kids.  You try to be a mentor, and all they do is fuck up.  I not only offered Nuke my .30-06, I even gave him camo and a Mapquest printout to an apartment where some fratboys are running a book.  Tons of cash, and that stupid fuck shakes down a gas station with a kid’s gun.  It’s simultaneously heartbreaking and hilarious.”

Tennessee plays Vanderbilt Saturday and will try to become bowl eligible for the first time in 2 years.  The team is massively depleted on defense and is starting walk-ons at key positions.  Kiffin says that Jackson’s absence will hurt this weekend, but his dismissal was something that had to be done.  “We need him, but we have to move on.  We have good players who are ready to fight.  I’ll tell you what – the fat man (Fulmer) left some hardass boys over here.  Don’t buy that ‘Family Atmosphere’ for a second.”

Fulmer agrees, with a smirk.  “That kid (Kiffin) has got a lot to learn.  You gotta get in these recruits’ kitchens and eat momma’s apple pie and gesture with your Bible, but in the end it’s all about noticing the AK under that young man’s bed or the knife scars on his arms.  Recruiting is more than video tape, it’s also about the size of the rap sheet if you want the trophies.”

22 Responses leave one →
  1. 2009 November 20
    Lloyd Braun permalink

    Lulz

  2. 2009 November 20

    Pussies.

  3. 2009 November 20
    ears whitworth permalink

    I have shit myself

  4. 2009 November 20
    Ya Mamma permalink

    As a Rebel fan, I’m jizzing in my pants!

  5. 2009 November 20

    Oh and fuck you guys. I thought JJ was actually dismissed.

  6. 2009 November 20
    Ya Mamma permalink

    you must be new to the site.

  7. 2009 November 20
    Mac B permalink

    You left out the part where Kiffin was talking about taking a page from Beamer’s playbook. He wanted players with that “dogfighting spirit” with the desire to stick it to your opponent regardless of religion, race, or “age”.

  8. 2009 November 20
    Rocky Top Crew Cut permalink

    Whatever happened to the old Tennessee like those batshit crazy mutherfuckers Steve Kiner and Hacksaw Reynolds?

  9. 2009 November 20

    The one star under that that chick SLAYS ME

  10. 2009 November 20
    Rae Carruth permalink

    Now this is what LEADERSHIP is all about!

  11. 2009 November 20
    zigzag permalink

    Junior surprises while Monte sleeps.

  12. 2009 November 20

    http://content.usatoday.com/topics/article/People/Sports%20Coaches,%20Team%20Owners,%20Execs,%20Officials/NCAA/Lane%20Kiffin/0dJU7IG8Sbb9S/1

  13. 2009 November 21

    @Rocky Top Crew Cut
    Weren’t they ever…

  14. 2009 November 21
    Mac B permalink

    Damnit, Jai. I’ve gotten about 4 texts tonight asking me if “I heard” because of you.

  15. 2009 November 21

    Not my work. I wish I had his 6 inch taint’s worth of talent

  16. 2009 November 21
    Larry_Scott permalink

    As a follow up to this story, I heard that a Florida sports radio host announced on his show yesterday that JJ had been dismissed. Brilliant.

  17. 2009 November 21
    Scorched Colon permalink

    easy stuff: sucking in the dullards

  18. 2009 November 21

    It still may happen and maybe it should. JJ is a great player, no question, but look how he has let his team mates and fans down. Can we depend on a guy like this? I dont know, but I doubt it. He is either borderline stupid or he just doesnt care . No good either way . Time to move on and get some guys that will at least be able to play in the games ( that is , they wont be in jail) at kickoff . Course thats only my opinion and I am a paranoid schizophrenic.

  19. 2009 November 21

    New topic for you malcontents: Is Les Miles insane or is he using some really good drugs. That clock mismanagement today in the OLE MISS game was the worst I have seen in 5o years of watching SEC football. Maybe LM had a couple of ecstasy tabs during halftime- that would explain what happened. He is now a dead man walking ( from the movie of the same name) . He will never recover from this ( See Bill Battles infamous fake punt call vrs the Ga Bulldogs) The Tiger fans will never forgive him for pissing away that game. He will be gone by the end of next year – buyout be damned. Ypu read it first here – write it down,

  20. 2009 November 23
    Mac B permalink

    Free at last, free at last.

  21. 2009 November 23
    Brian Fantana permalink

    People certainly ‘Fear The Hat” . . .in Louisiana they are damn near terrified . . . .

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