Monster
Dear Mr. Jeremy Foley and Mike Slive,
Some days I fear I will never meet either of you since nothing happens in the SEC without either of you giving the “green light”. Some days I fear that you will never exist and that time, shhh, long ago, was the last chance. But other days I break apart completely thinking about my EERS curb stomping UGA in the Sugar Bowl and I smile and pee my pants just a little.
An invitation to your Super Conference? I just wanted to tell you some things in case, well, in case it doesn’t happen. In case you never meet me or in case I forget to tell you these things later on, when I’m even more tired of your elitist hi-jinks. Is West Virginia the SEC’s Number 14? – Team Speed Kills
First of all, do be very afraid of my dearly beloved Blue and Gold. Do, however, do not be afraid of men with two first names. Remember that violence, dominance and general ‘being-a-bad-ass’ is ridiculously important. So is sticking your tongue out, burning a lonely beautiful couch, drinking home brew whiskey and knowing how to creatively curse. The balance is key.
If you are in Alabama and someone is ever rude, first try to imagine what other horrible things may have happened to that person earlier in the day. I was never good at this. But you will be. You will be swift and deadly. You will berate a 60-year-old Bama fan in a Pinson Alabama Citgo.
Some days, you will have arrived at your wit’s end and the amount of rudeness a Auburn-Alabama blood feud is exuding may exceed normal levels. Cherish these moments, these few moments in which flying off the handle is completely satisfying and justified. They happen less than we’d all like to believe.
When it comes to season schedules: no one in the SEC is ever ‘too busy’ to play my EERS unless they have a fear of getting a Blue and Gold(en) facial shower on ESPN. This is a fact. Don’t let schools use this excuse and do not use it yourself, if you can help it. It is not easy.
There is nothing wrong with not going to Morgantown. There is nothing immoral about coal, John Denver, banging a smoking hot Mountain Mama or smoking. It may not be healthy, but don’t let anyone tell you that you’re a bad person for those choices.
EER tattoos are fine as long as they compliment your beautiful skin, not mar it.
Do not take crap from anyone but especially do not take crap from Marshall or Pitt fans.
Take everyone’s advice critically. My mistakes will not be your mistakes. You may have better ideas, better ways of making it through the day. Keep the good, discard the bad and be careful with what you tell others.
No one balls like Owen ‘Runaway Beer Truck’ Schmitt. Be wary of SEC fans who obsess over a couple of dead trees or some freakishly weird coach and his hat selection.
Be brave with your love and do not exclude the possibility of playing ball with a WVU sleeping giant based on their on-field dominance of your conference and any BCS bowl we play in. We are not afraid of Alabama: with their bigots, racists, homophobes or artless people.
Never exclude moving on movement, delivering a blow and getting to the ball. It is a gem that most SEC players will never know.
You know nothing and neither do I and that will never change and that will always be comforting. mike Slive? Do what Foley wants you to do everything will be fine.
Order girly drinks at the bar even when you’re old as fuck (and happen to look like Frankenstein) and when they taste good. But always have a strong drink order for dire times….like when your precious Florida or Alabama squads dare to be bold and play a home and home with my EERS.
So here’s to meeting you and here’s to us moving the ball down the field. Do not forget about sunlight and the way a man-cave smells. TV will not rot your brain. Breast Milk is delicious.
Related articles
- SEC Expansion: How a 16-Team Conference Would Look and Its Affect on Alabama (bleacherreport.com)
- SEC Expansion: Conference Says No to Texas A&M (bleacherreport.com)
- How many high-ranking officials does the SEC have? (blutarsky.wordpress.com)
- SEC Expansion: Mike Slive Uses Media Days As A Bug Zapper (sbnation.com)
- Report: Dan Beebe and Mike Slive had heated phone call exchange (collegefootballtalk.nbcsports.com)
I love how you live on WVU “stomping” UGA’s in the Sugar Bowl. It’s takes a good defense to be apart of the SEC. This is why WVU executed a fake punt at the end of the game because they knew if they punted, UGA would march down the field again and win. UGA beat themselves in that game. WVU would merely be a Kentucky or MSU in the SEC. The Big East is a conference where they just put all their best athletes on the offensive side of the ball instead of where they are best suited to one day be sucessful in the NFL. Just wanted to clear that up for you.
28-0 1st half They sure beat themselves there with all that SEC Speed. More likely the West Virginia players were tired of running up and down the field in that half
Dear Mr. Slive,
Please ignore this entire rant, as this IDIOT has no connection to WVU, or the state of W.Va., now, or at any point in the future.
Thank You,
Mountaineer Fans Everywhere
2 Turnovers can also cause that …..(ie. beating themselves) Still, WVU will never be an SEC caliber team. WVU would be lucky to have a .500 winning percentage overall if they had an SEC schedule. Also, I will take an SEC championship any day over a Sugar Bowl Championship.
Also, It’s kind of sad that beating UGA is the biggest accomplishment in the history of WVU football. Ha!
I would say our biggest accomplishment was our 48-28 win against Oklahoma (whom many declared were the best team in the nation that year) in the 08 Fiesta Bowl. Mark Mullis – Why are you arguing over a game that happened long ago? Did WVU steal your girlfriend or something? Get a life brotha
Also- This article makes absolutely no sense. It is incoherent, and nothing but a long, rambling rhetoric comprised of garbage.
I still find it amusing UGA fans cry over a 2005 game. You know it stun WVU’;s little freshman running circles around UGA’s veteran team all night long on UGA’s home turf.
Gary, get off of his sack. He is one of you’ens…Homo
Mitch, he is nick saban’s 2nd cousin. Idiot
Congrats on beating UGA and Oklahoma, WVU has a good team. But there is no Houston, Dallas, New York, Washington DC, or Atlanta following for WVU that the SEC needs. I think the SEC should go for UNC and Duke, both teams WV can beat.
Jimmy Giles, you have no idea how many West Virginian’s reside in Houston, Dallas, NY, DC and Atlanta. Coal isn’t our greatest export, it’s our people. Heck, North Carolina is probably 40% WV. We have plenty of people across the nation. That’s why we have some of the biggest draws to any of ESPN’s televised games.
The hills have eyes, bitches
How about 5 – 2 against the SEC since 2000 with wins against your “powerhouse” programs of Auburn and Georgia. We will also add LSU to that list this year. Funny how we beat you last time we played and its becasue “you beat yourselves” or “a couple more minutes and we would have won”. We made the plays that needed to be made and you all didn’t so stop whining about it. UGA is Greg Blue in a nutshell, all bark and no bite. Seems like your Dawgs are heading to the SEC cellar with the way their past couple seasons have been so maybe you shouldn’t talk too much. Hell, even Miss St. is better than you now. At least LSU, Alabama, Tennessee, Auburn and Florida have won NC’s in the past 15 yrs or beat the team they’re talking crap about, to back up their talk.
Gary,
First of all, I brought up the Sugar Bowl because that win has been talked about several times on this website. It took VT and Miami leaving the Big East before WVU could even start becoming relevant on the national scene.
Mark,
I’m pretty sure WVU is not even ranked this season, or any Big East team for that matter. The Big East is a bottom feeder basketball conference and always will be. Also, 4 different teams from the SEC have one the NC in the past 5 years. This just shows how strong the conference is from top to bottom. No other conference has done that in the past 20 years. WVU got lucky and had some decent players come through and they were relevant for a few years. WVU may finish in the top 5 of a irrelevant conference if they are lucky. Good for you!
WVU is a very good program and can hold it own vs anyone.
And the stars line up, WVU can win a MNC…
That said, expansion is about eyeballs and $$ to the SEC…
and WVU brings very little each of those…
That is the cold, hard reality of expansion…
It is all about the Benjamins….
Mark,
I never questioned the quality of the SEC Conference. Anyone would be ignorant to argue against it being the best in college football. I, personally, feel WVU would be better suited in the ACC. It stays in one of the best Bball conferences and there are more natural and past rivalries for us (Maryland, UVA, VT, Miami, BC and the NC schools). As for how this season goes, wait and see how it plays out. I think we will be very good. We all know preseason rankings mean nothing. Also, just because we play in a lesser conference than the SEC doesn’t mean our football team can’t compete with your conference. Seems to me you are still bitter about a lose 5 years ago. You spoke of relevancy of our program. We are one of only 6 schools to have atleast 9 wins for 6 straight years. 60 wins over the past 6 years, which puts us in the top 10 in the country in that category. We have a winning record this decade over the SEC, 2 BCS wins, 5 bowl wins, 5 Big East Championships, 7 top 25 and 3 top 10 finishes. Sad thing is I used to root for UGA in every game they played (don’t know why, I was just always partial to them) until the whining you all did after the game. Alot were very respectful, but a decent majority weren’t. Probably the ones like you who bashed the Big East and thought you had a cakewalk with us and still don’t want to admit we were better that night.
Lusk, everybody says that they export people. Oklahoma claims Texas. Mississippi State claims Atlanta. Minnesota claims the Chicago. But the TRUE national teams are Notre Dame, Ohio State, and Texas. They’ll never want for a conference or associates. More people live in Dallas Metro today than have ever lived in WV. You can say that legacy SEC schools like MSU, OM, and Vandy have smaller followings, but those are Charter Schools of the SEC. If WV had the pull you speak-off, then the SEC, Big 10, and ACC would already be pounding the door in Morgantown…you wouldn’t have people ranting about WV being left out.
Mark Mullis,
Do some homework man, you’re making yourself look silly. Georgia has been horrible since that Sugar Bowl beating, and I’m not sure why Rict is still there. I know Georgia fans know nothing about what good basketball looks like, but really, “The Big East is a bottom feeder basketball conference. . .” Your take is pretty lame.