(Note. This blog post was liberally lifted from EDSBS [DISLIKING DEREK DOOLEY: A PROPANGANDIST'S GUIDE - Every Day Should Be Saturday] with permission. Swindle told me that Muschamp has 3 nipples. )

In the past, one of the easiest things about Hate Week with Florida came in the form of their coaches, Steve Spurrier and Urban Meyer. Spurrier, a transitory player from Johnson City Tennessee, symbolized a Florida program that was in the eyes of its opponents: a weird program that was a transient odd mix of people — from bootleggers to Baptists. He was immature, childlike, and evil much like Florida’s brand of football. In public he gossiped like a girl — one of his most endearing qualities and he spewed witty acronyms like Free Shoe University (FSU) and poked fun at a hapless and defenseless Phil Fulmer at every opportunity (Can’t spell Citrus without UT).  Spurrier once told a recruit ” I ain’t never pulled over to the side of the road for a dadgum funeral”.

In short: The nickname of “The Old Ballsack Coach” fit him all too well, and it was all too easy to get a proper froth on when it came to Hate Week Haterage. This hate got even easier with the hire of Urban Meyer, a character so nasty and detestable that God wept at the mere mention of his name. Meyer got such little joy of coaching football that he resigned from Florida ….. twice. Football sucked the life out of Meyer. Rumor is that Meyer was so sad and despondent over having to coach at Florida (without Tim Tebow) that he no longer had the energy to hit off of the men’s tee anymore. Sad to see a successful coach wasting away…like a huge tapeworm sucking away his nutrients. When Meyer couldn’t drag his ass outta bed to go play golf, it was a sure sign that he needed to get the fuck out of the coaching.

Then came Will Muschamp, and here’s the most difficult challenge of all: disliking him. Muschamp should be repugnant but is boyishly cute in the way a Pug is cute. He is such a contradiction that I’m starting to get confused.  He is or he could be so many different things. He grew up in both Florida and Georgia; played safety at Georgia; coached at Auburn and LSU, and above all he is the coach at the University of Florida. Yet the complications keep coming. At Gator Club fund raisers, he is both honest and entertaining. Branded as a “traitor’ and “Benedict Arnold” by Georgia fans Muschamp responded with “I’m loyal to who signs my checks,” and  he grabbed his ample package and thrust his hips to and fro. When asked about Muschamp’s loyalty to the ‘G’ on helmet one Georgia fan had this to say about Muschamp: “He is such a dick. Can I say that? Anyhow… Is there a smart way I can let my pissy scorpioness come out and still get one up on him? He acts as if nothing bothers him… Will Muschamp is a dick”. Any guy that can infuriate a Dawg fan gets a thumbs up from me.

In games, Muschamp has had a reputation for firing up his players and bringing a lot of intensity to the sidelines.  He seems to be “throbbing” with enthusiasm. We will know a lot more as we get into the “meat” of the season. Take at look at the pictures below, for instance, the one below  we’ll call “Donkey Punch”.

“Son of a bitch”

“how long will it take to beat Georgia?”
“60 minutes”

ILVTOFU

Hey man, pull my finger… or my leg, whatever. Thanks

Related articles

• On Campus: Florida’s Will Muschamp Rips NCAA (lostlettermen.com)
• Will Muschamp Report Card: How Did New Florida Coach Do in His Debut? (bleacherreport.com)