All year long we have tried to make readers more sensitive to the embarrassing problem of adult continence and the shame of people that literally shit all over themselves. When former Florida sharting Quarterback Chris Leak stepped out of the shadows to tell the SEC: “Hey, sometimes in the huddle I shit myself and it stinks” we thought that putting a face to a spastic colon/weak sphincter would help the American public understand that adults who wear diapers are not comedy.
(This is the play that forces humble Chris to evacuate his bowels. Note the “shart” towel)
Chris Leak is used to being doubted in a career filled with yards, touchdowns, soiled undergarments and question (skid)marks. He even had to platoon with a talented freshman in fan favorite Tim Tebow when is his diapers became overwhemingly sodden and stinky. It was a commonly believed throughout the SEC that Leak was just menopausal and was suffering from premenstrual cramps or just overall bitchiness. Now we know it was Urban “Herban” Meyer’s playcalling coupled with constipation that created the PMS-like bloating that constantly interrupted gameplay and the need to sub Tebow into a game.“It’s just like going into a game,” said Leak, Florida’s all-time passing leader and MVP of the BCS championship game. “You’ve got to make sure you focus on the right thing. When I am wearing a diaper, I have confidence that there will not be any leakage. That was the worst, shitting myself and then having to face my teammates ridicule and revulsion to my problem.”
(The strategically placed football blocks yet another embarrassing moment for humble Chris)
Besides, he never seemed to let critics affect him on the field or at the local Wal-Greens when he was loading up on Depends Diapers and baby-wipes getting ready for a big game.He said he’s not paying any more heed to talk about his draft stock than he did his college critics.“I’ve always been the type person that focuses on making sure that I’m prepared for the game and my teammates are prepared,” Leak said. “I have been dropping my deuces in diapers the entire season, and this is game week. I wear a diaper 24-7 now. It is an integral element of my gameday experience. When I get to the CFL, maybe my sphincter muscles will be stronger, right now they are not so strong. I just hope that the astronaut chick does OK, she is an inspiration to me.”
Lisa Marie Nowak, the Lust in Space Astronaut, wore a diaper on her cross-country drive to commit a felony in Florida of all places. Lisa’s story is being treated like comedy on shows such as The Daily Show and the Colin Cowherd Radio Show. We are now standing in awe of Florida, Tang, Adult Diapers, Chris Leak and just ripping a damn deuce freely in your pants with fear of retribution.
Remember that Chris Leak says that Sharting is nothing more gambling and losing.
You go forward Chris Leak and Lisa Marie and do great things, we are betting on you!!!
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